Showing posts with label Parenthood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenthood. Show all posts

03 March 2024

Can I apply leave as a mom?

I don't think I have ever been stretched like that as a mother. 

It has been such a week. That kind of week where I wanted it to end faster. I wanted Monday to come fast so we could reset. 

The kids were behaving poorly. They were impatient, rude (in our definition) and very demanding. I was not okay with all of it. I was a bit surprised to how they behaved this week, and wondered if it was a reflection of how Adrian and I talk to each other and to them. 

I don't think that was how we are with them, or like ever with anyone. 

They were taking turns in throwing tantrums, and demanding for certain things to be according to what they want, and they want it now. If not, they go crazy, and they did went crazy, and loud. 

Today was the day I lost it. 

I have tried gentle parenting - always asking and making sure I understand form their perspective, and explain to them calmly why certain behaviours are not acceptable in this household. I avoid using some trigger words and questions, and my mind is always trying to re-form words that supports gentle parenting. Maybe it's not the correct way of this parenting method. It did not work. I like how it helped me clam down and take really deep deep breaths, and talk about how they feel first and whatnots. 

But it didn't work this week. 

Today, I felt numb to their crying and shouting. I told myself, "I cannot take this anymore", and then I walked to the bathroom, and showered in cold water. I allowed myself to cry all frustration and hurt out. Yes, my children hurt me this week. I think I imploded a few times this week. 

It was a good short cry (not my first this week for sure). I didn't even got to finish my me-time, and Sofia stormed into the toilet (our lock is spoiled), and demanded for me to carry her. If not, she will not stop screaming and crying. 

At this point, I don't even know what to feel anymore. 

I carried her to her room, and hugged her, and I could not not stop my tears from coming out. She must have seen them before I wiped it away, because she said sorry twice (while she was still sobbing). My anxiety was rooftop high. 

Adrian took both the toddlers for a short swimming time, and I needed to do something to heal. So, I did some sewing. I took out my shorts, and sports bra and sewed a while. 

We had another meltdown during dinner time with Alex, and I did not handle it calmly. I could not. I tried hold it in, but I failed la okay. 

"If you don't want to eat the food that is on the table, you don't have to eat anything at all. You can stay in the room by yourself." 

Sofia cried, and insisted we don't close the door, so koko could come out and join us at the dinner table. At this point, Alex was still being stubborn and crying. 

Adrian stood up from the dinner table, and that was when Alex started to calm down. Nobody messes with dady ya. 

Anyways, he came and sat next to me, and we had a great dinner time. They all did anyways. I was suffocating inside. But I held it together of course. The kids were finally okay again. 

But today, I don't want to be a mom. I don't want to wear my mom's hat. I just want to wear Sarah Khoo's hat. Just be me, and for me. Just today. 

Before they fell asleep tonight, I whispered to the both of them, that I love them so much, and it was not okay to behave like how they did, but I still love them. 

It's been a week.

It is never easy. But we go through another day trying to be the best parents we can. And that, is a win in itself. 

28 July 2023

Life with 3 Children is Like This.

I know I am really behind the Japan's post but it is going to be a really long one. I have been typing a bit here and there, but I also need my blogging mojo to get it going good. It will come soon. 

Anyways, here's a little update on how our lives have been since we became a family of 5. 

I used to hear people saying that when you have two, getting a three would be easier. Hm, it's not entirely true.

It is easier in some things like we don't over-react easily, but man, having to manage the household things with 3 kids is hard, and exhausting. With three, both Adrian and myself really needs to be hands-on all the time. I am always really thankful that we've got help and support from our parents, sisters, cousins and friends. Every time we asked for help, most of the time, it would be a yes! Adrian and I are truly blessed. 

Here's a little routine that works for Adrian and I. 

Adrian handles all the kids' bath time, and I will put clothes on for Adam (most of the time), while Alex and Sofia put on clothes by themselves (not often though). My mom-in-law helped so much at home with the 2 older kids. They both have gotten used to going to her and Adrian for snacks and stuff, because I would usually be very occupied with Adam at home. 

I honestly don't rush my time with Adam - I know it's unfair but that's the reality. I enjoy and really slow down when I am with him because I know there is not going to be another baby of ours that I could do this with. Perhaps, I am going to do that with Vanessa's baby since Rachel is so sure they are not going to have another kid. Boo. 

Both Alex and Sofia have never showed any jealous signs, so I think they understand too, that Adam is really young and he really needs more attention. From me at least. Adrian spends more time with them because I would put Adam to bed. 

I do sometimes crave to carry him to sleep and let him sleep on me. I miss breastfeeding him for sure. But I could not restart the breastfeeding journey if I wanted to because it would set my hormones haywire again, and we all know what could happen. So, I just accept it as it is. 

I sleep-trained Adam when he was very young, because I needed to make sure I rest enough for my work the next day. He has been really easy on that which is life-changing. Sometimes, he sleeps with my mom-in-law when both Adrian and I are too tired. 

I told you that we are blessed, and I really mean it. I am not embarrassed to admit and ask for help when I need one, and I think you all shouldn't as well, especially young parents. You would be amazed to know what a 2-hours break from children can do to your mental state and marriage. 

Alex will usually play with Adrian for a while before bedtime - all sports things. It can be floorball, badminton, simply bounce ball and laugh or it can be mobile legends on Adrian's phone. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. Alex doesn't know how to play (he will deny this of course), so we just let him simply shoot or something. I don't know what they do in there but yeah. 

Sofia would usually have a healthy snack before bedtime. Like apples or oats. Sometimes, she will try to ask for chips and unhealthy snacks, but she knows she will 99% get a no from me. I am the food-police at home. The kids have to ask me first everytime they want to have "snacks". If it is up to Adrian and my mom-in-law, it's 99% yes all the time. So no, I will be a bad cop on this - I don't mind. Hah. 

We will leave Adam in his cot in the living room so he can see the big boys playing, Sofia munching away and me watching the TV or watching him. Then, I would give a countdown time to the boys and bring Adam to my room so I could put him to bed first. 

Then, we get Alex and Sofia to the room and lie down with them - read bible and take turns to pray. I would leave the room to check on Adam, and most of the time, I ended up falling asleep, especially on weekdays. Adrian would continue to lie down with them. 

We also stopped buying milk for Sofia because we wanted her to change to healthier option like oat milk or soy. But she hated both, and so she stopped taking milk. Alex is still drinking his oat milk because still got stock in our house. Hah. 

I prepped the kids snack box for school, and our kai-kai bags. Adrian will clean the mess in the room after showers. I will tie Sofia's hair and Adrian would style Alex's hair. 

Adam will just watch us from his cot or walker. 

Alex and Sofia help us calm Adam down when he gets cranky in the car, or at home. They would sing to him and oh my heart. I just cannot. I envisioned them growing up together, and loving and supporting each other forever. I love it. 

So yeah. 

Our expenses are higher now, but our hearts are really full. I find myself wishing we could have 1 more kid, but who am I kidding. We are good with three okay. 

Adam is going to be 8-months old soon. Should I start planning for his first birthday already? Hah. 

I love my little family so much sometimes I feel like I am going to burst. 

Till next update (hopefully on Japan 's trip), bye now. 

02 February 2023

How Life Has Been Since Adam Came.

It has been almost two months since we became a family of five, and here are some updates that nobody asked for. Heh. 

Many people asked if it's easier now that we already have experiences with Alex and Sofia. Our answer is yes and no. 

Yes in the sense we already know what to expect and how to manage certain situations because really got experiences already with the first two. Also, the midnight feedings feel a lot easier now with Adam because we did it before and we already knew how hard and challenging it would be. It is still difficult but a lot easier now. 

What is tough is the part where we need to now handle 2 toddlers and 1 infant and they literally get our hands so full, especially when all three of them fall sick or at the cranky mode. That is when it gets really tough! 



1. Happiest I have ever been
Yes, I am confident that ever since Adam came, I am at my happiest point in my life (for as long as I can remember). 

Of course I have had many happy moments in my life (like getting married to man of my dreams), but when I see my life now - a loving, supportive husband with three healthy children, I cannot not smile and be really thankful. 

When I say happy, I don't mean that I do not still struggle in mothering them. I do, everyday. But there is joy in it somehow. 

2. The perfect night routine
We could never figure out the 'perfect' routines when it comes to who takes which shift and what works best since Adrian and myself are working parents. But we finally got it right and seems to be working so far (I hope). 

I haven't started working yet, but I like the arrangement now. Of course the ideal arrangement would be Adam sleeping through the night, from 12AM to 7AM would be perfect. Hah. 

Adrian now does the first night feeding, which is usually at 12AM, and then I will do the rest. If Adam wakes up at 7AM, then my MIL would help us feed him, while I get Alex and Sofia ready for the day. 

3. The amount of milk Adam is drinking
We started giving Adam 2oz of milk, and increased it to 3oz, and now he is drinking 4oz. 

Oh, and he is no longer taking any breastmilk because this milk factory sudah tutup. Heh. I am currently still taking the steroid medication to fight these rashes off, so yeah. Formula milk to the rescue! 

4. Adam is a little chatterbox
At just 2-months old, he can respond to your conversation - I kid you not. 

Try talking to him and you will notice that he will try to respond to you by making sounds and smiling. Oh, he is such a smiler (is there such a word? heh). 


5. End of maternity leave
Technically, I still have a few days left, but I have decided to start work on 1-Mar because to be honest, I miss working so much. I know I will miss spending the entire day with the kids, but I need to also go to work so my sanity remains intact. Hah. 

But yes, I will miss the kids for sure. 

So fast 90 days of maternity leave is coming to an end. That also means Adam is growing up way too fast and before we know it, he is going to be a toddler, and I may want to get pregnant again with another kid - kidding! 

6. FAQ - want another kid after Adam?
The answer is a definite no. 

You may think that we will revisit the idea in the future, and to be honest with you - as of now, our answers are a 100% no because the chances for the rashes to occur again is like super high, and the frustrating part about this whole thing is I am still having it and I am no longer pregnant. 

And it's so traumatising because I still see the scars and marks all over my body and the itch is still here. So no more kids thank you. Or at least no more getting pregnant. 

If we really want more kids, we would most likely go for adoption heh. Serious wan. 

Stay tuned for a new post - confirming that we do not want to get pregnant again. 


7. Alex, Sofia and Adam's dynamic
It's really still quite hard to say, because Adam is still too young to actually spend time with Alex and Sofia. All Adam does is drink milk, sleep and poop - and repeat. 

In the beginning, Sofia has a hard time adjusting to the new change, but she is so much better now and taking really well her role as the big sister. The first place she will go to when she wakes up in the morning (everyday without fail) is to Adam's crib to say good morning. It is the sweetest thing ever. 

There was one time when Adam was still in his car seat, and Sofia wanted to give him a kiss. So, she leaned forward and put her hand on top of Adam's stomach, and when she lean towards him, she sort of "went on top" of him and Adam cried! Poor Sofia, because she just wanted to kiss him. Hah. 


8. Our favourite newborn diaper brands
If you ask me of my top favourite for diaper brands, I would still say Applecrumby - hands down. 

But they are not exactly price-friendly, at least not for newborn diapers. Newborn changes diapers so often that it does not make sense to spend that money on Applecrumby's newborn diapers. Of course I have some stocks at home for when we travel or when we go out the whole day, because it's really leak-proof and so so comfortable to the skin. 

We don't change Adam's diaper that often anymore (it used to be like 8-10 pieces per day because of hos much he poops), but now maybe about every 4-5 hours.

Our current favourite diaper brands for Adam is Drypers and Mamypoko - more affordable. Heh. 

9. Adam can sleep through noises and bright lights
Another 'criteria' in our parenting style. 

We enjoy having people over to our house at anytime of the day (usually at night), and we really want (need) our children to be able to adapt to sleeping even when it's noisy. We trained Alex and Sofia when they were newborns, so it only made sense that Adam goes through the same 'training'. 

It's a success of course. Adam can sleep through loud noises and even when it is bright, he also can sleep through wan. Actually, we didn't really have any 'training' method. 

We just intentionally place him at places with noises since newborn and let him sleep. 

We also love going out so of course this 'style' has been super useful - we love it. 


10. We don't carry Adam to sleep
Yes, you see that right. As tempting as it is, I made it a strict rule to everyone that they shall not carry Adam to sleep in their arms. I have to do this because I don't think I would have the energy to do that (especially at night) with two toddlers at home. I would crash really fast considering Alex and Sofia are still quite clingy to me. 

Carry Adam to talk and play with him - for sure please do that. But the moment he is about to fall asleep, we will put him down on the bed already. 

At first, it was tough because he would cry but I am a very persistent person (so is he actually hah), but happy to report that it has been a successful thing. Adam can now fall asleep on his on without needing to be carried. Sometimes, he still cries for a while and we would carry him for a while and then put him down. Just repeat the whole process till he gets it. Hah. 

So yeah, there it is. We have been really busy, but our hearts are so full. 

Till next update, bye now. 

20 January 2023

The Birth-Day Story of Adam Koay!

It has been more than a month since we brought Adam out to this world. It still feels surreal, but we are truly enjoying every moment we have with him now. 

The experience of carrying Adam was a lot more different and tougher than when I was carrying Alex and Sofia. If I can rank them from the easiest to the hardest, it would be Alex, Sofia and then Adam. I truly enjoyed being pregnant when it was Alex inside me, and with Sofia, I constantly struggled with acid reflux and horrible backache and with Adam, no need to say liau. The worse for sure - backache, rashes on the entire body (which did not actually go away even after he is out) and other usual pregnancy things. 

Third trimester was the beginning of everything tough carrying Adam inside. I was diagnosed with a more serious case of GDM and had to be on medications because even with diet control, my blood sugar would still spike up. I think even if I don't eat anything, the readings would also be higher than normal. 

So, my doctor recommended (or demanded really) to bring the baby out when he is at 38-weeks. I was given 2 steroid injections to strengthen Adam's lungs so he would be healthy and ready to meet with world at 38-weeks. I remembered feeling all sorts of different emotions because as much as I want him to come out earlier, I also wanted to be sure that he was healthy and strong enough. I would not be able to take it well if he has to be put on tubes and stuff. But the risk of keeping him inside me for more than 38-weeks were bigger and I am not a risk taker in this kind of things. 

On 9-December-2022, we checked into Island Hospital in the morning and did all the required things like taking a swab test (just for me). We requested for a single room so that Adrian could spend the nights with me, but they were fully booked. So we were given a double room. We then put in a special request (urgently) for a single room in case someone checks out that noon. 


Once we got to our room, the nurses did everything that needed to be done like shaving, taking blood pressure, give me some liquid up my bum-bum so I can empty them tanks and tracking Adam's heartbeat. I was super excited to get him out because I was still very much scratching everywhere, and it has been the toughest 38-weeks of being pregnant with him. 

While we were waiting for them to wheel me into the OT, we were still so focused in getting a single room. To the point Adrian kept walking out of the room to see if anyone would check out, and kept telling the nurses to keep up on top of the list. Hah. 

Someone at the end really did checked out, and they moved us to a single room. The downside was there is absolutely no view in our new room. After moving in, we requested (again) to change to another single room with view if someone checks out. Hah. We are thankful that the nurses didn't go crazy on us. They were very nice and accommodating heh. 

In the end, we didn't manage to get a new single room with view because no one checked out. Still thankful we got to stay in a single room la. 



When it was time for me to go in, we found out that the hospital's new policy now is that daddy is no longer allowed to go in during the C-Sec procedure. It was implemented after MCO. Adrian was pretty upset because we really thought he could be inside with me when they bring the baby out. 

We wanted it so badly, that he went to Dr. Eric's office to get clarifications. Hah. But Dr. Eric confirmed what the nurses had told us, so no choice la. He had to wait outside.

I was getting a lot more nervous the moment we separated at the front of the OT's sliding door. I remembered feeling super cold and while waiting for them to inject me with the epidural, I looked around and noticed that the OT's lobby was filled with so many patients. Memang good business this hospital. 

Once I got into the main OT, everything happened really fast. My blood pressure was dropping to a point I was feeling really nauseous, but the pressure picked up and I felt normal again. Dr Eric came in, and cut me open and Adam came out screaming heh. 

After cleaning him up for a little bit, the nurse brought him over to my face and I gave him a kiss. I stayed in the recovery room for a little bit before they wheeled me into my own room. Everything happened so fast! I remembered not feeling itchy anymore, and in the span of 3 days, some obvious scars disappeared too! 

But now that I am writing this, it is with so much sadness and frustration that new rashes appeared again, and I am back to seeing different skin specialist. It's really one tough battle, but I know we will get there one day - when no more rashes and no more scars be terrorising my body anymore. 


The most popular question now is how much did it cost to go for a Caesarean procedure at Island Hospital with a single room? The answer is FOURTEEN THOUSAND RINGGIT. 

Crazy right? 

Now, because GDM is considered as one of the complications that could occur in a pregnancy (as recognized by my work insurance policy), Allianz have confirmed that they would cover the cost of the procedure and stay, so yay! 

Anyways, thank you all again and again for always praying with and for us. We are beyond thankful for each one of you. 

We celebrated Adam's fullmoon by sending a box of yellow glutinous rice and chicken curry (the usual traditional style) from Li Er Cafe Penang. We love the bamboo box packaging as compared to the usual box kind. Of course they cost more but hey, packaging is everything. Heh. This time, we brought all three kids along while we go around Penang Island distributing them boxes. Thankful that my mother in law and sisters helped with some boxes. 


So yeah, everyone please meet our third born. 


Adam Koay Wey Jie
2.8kg
Hairy and loud
OCD-baby

Till next time, bye now.