03 October 2021

Is It Okay to Cuss?

Have you ever cussed before? If yes, when and where and why?

Growing up, I was taught that cussing is very bad and if any of us cussed or say any vulgar words - we would be punished. 

Now that I have grown up, things changed. Heh. Read on first before you start assuming things in your head. Hah. These are all my opinions only okay - so even if it is not a popular one and everyone disagrees with me, it is absolutely fine with me - just don't throw eggs at me hah. 

I still think that it is not okay to cuss - not out loud anyway. What are the intentions of using cuss words? What is the message that you want to convey by using the cuss words? To make your conversations more dramatic?

Now, I can testify that prior to becoming a mother, I have gotten very frustrated before (to the point of crying) and upset and whatsoever right, but nothing that was able to compare to the intensity of these same emotions after becoming a mother to two kids. 

The intensity of those frustrations is usually tripled and I find myself just want to cuss so I could feel better. Don't ask me why and how I got that "idea" that cussing could sort of help take some frustration away - because I don't have the answer to that. 

It's funny because it is not something I would usually do or want to do. So, it's a mystery for me too.

Anyways, at times when I needed to let out my frustration (could be caused by kids melting down for the lamest reason or they accidentally hurt me physically while doing something they were told not to do or spilling water all over the floor after I have just cleaned up the house or just upset with certain situations or people), I could not because the kids are with me and watching

So, I would run (okay maybe not run so dramatic but go) to my room, plant my face deep into a pillow, and shout really loud (but muffled) and long, "f***!!!!"

Of course, before doing that, I will make sure that the kids are not in the same room with me. 

Or sometimes I will go to the toilet (or anywhere with no one else around), and let out a whispered but firm frustrated cuss. And yes, I will feel much better after that - almost instantly. I don't know what is the magic behind it la, to be honest. I just know that it works and I will feel much better after that. 

Having said that, I realized that it was slowly becoming like a "habit" (I don't get that kind of intense frustration often okay please ah) and every time I had to let out a cuss, I felt bad. My mind would start thinking of other ways to "let off" an instant frustration but this seems to work the best. This means I will not end up screaming at my kids or intentionally starting an unnecessary argument with Adrian. 

And I finally came to a justification (for me) to be okay (and not feel bad) for needing to use the f*** word in silence. 

And that is, as long as my intention of cussing is not to hurt someone else, and not to cause anyone to stumble and no one is hearing it (except God I guess heh) - then it is okay. I always only do it in the secret anyways. 

For me, I will always ask myself if I want Alex and Sofia to cuss (at any point in their life) and my answer is absolute no. At least not with the intention to hurt someone or to stumble people around them. 

FYI - You don't appear 'cooler' if you normalize using the cuss words. You also don't appear 'screwed up' if you use them. I would like to think that it is something that people sort of adapt to when they surround themselves with people who say it out in the open and somehow it has become like a language in itself. Maybe can like do self-control wan la. You know like how people spend some time in western country then when they come back here, their accent still remains western-ish? Can turn off wan la right. Self-control ni ma heh. 

I have friends who cuss out loud in their conversations and I love them the same as my friends who do not. So, don't be passing judgments around.

It's like smoking I guess. It's a habit that is hard to break and it is addictive. Hello, sometimes when I get frustrated a little also, I will go somewhere quiet and alone and say, "f***!". So I totally understand how hard it is to break the "habit" and "addiction" especially when it is something that helps you feel better. 

This is where self-control comes in. 

There were many times when either Alex or Sofia would go crazy in the car and they would cry all the way home, and all I wanted to do is cuss. But I would bite my lips and I would take few deep breaths. 

Then, there were times Adrian would be working at the dining table and got frustrated with a certain situation, and he would walk into his 'gym room' and cuss (instead of saying it in front of us). Of course, sometimes I can still hear him because his whisper is not a whisper and his cuss words vocabulary is wider haha. In this kind of situation, I would talk really loud or sing to Alex and Sofia so they won't hear him. This is called teamwork la okay. Hah. 

This does not mean that we are screwed up. This means that we are humans and that we are trying. Adrian and I will always remind each other of our intentions whenever we do or say something - be it to each other, to our kids, or to other people. 

So, for me, I think it is fine for me to cuss into my pillow (when I need to) as long as no one else hears it and that is the main point. The last thing I want to do is to stumble people. 

Which then brings me to the next question - why then do I want to talk about it here? 

Well, because this is as real as it gets. 

Someone once asked in our group of friends if they think that I would ever use the "f***" word. Out of the 4 people, 1 answered yes. That was gazillion years ago and I disagreed with the 1 person. I told him that I would never. 

Look at me now, a mother with 2 kids and I do cuss sometimes (IN PRIVATE). Hah. So yeah, people will change so never say never. Heh.

Maybe you have a more effective way to let off your frustration and if that works for you, then really good! I guess as long as your 'way' is not by hurting someone else then that is fine. 

So yeah. I do that so I don't let off my steam by screaming at my kids or purposely saying mean things to my husband. It helps me. But I need to always be reminded not to be 'addicted' to it because before I know it, I may be saying it out loud. 

In summary, if you cuss with the intention to hurt people or/and people may be stumbled by it, then it is not okay. What is your intention then to use these cuss words? Is it necessary? And don't go around trying to hurt people with your words la - now pandemic and everyone is hurting in one way or another so be nice. Heh. 

Okay so in the summary of a summary, having kids is really good lah - they help you do self-check because everything that you don't want them to do or say, you will also not do or say. So, you get to improve yourself every time. 

The struggles are real, and I am glad that I finally found a method to make me a less-screaming-into-my-kids-ears and more-calm-down-respond-better person. 

I hope that from this rambling, you will be able to consciously find a way to channel your frustration and a way to let off your instant anger or something - without stumbling to others and hurting others of course. 

Till next time, bye now.

19 September 2021

Was My Wisdom Tooth Removed Or No?

There is absolutely no pain like a toothache - okay maybe cannot be compared to childbirth pain but still, toothaches are the worse! 

I was struggling with pain in my left wisdom tooth for a week when I decided that I cannot endure it anymore. It has to go - or something needs to be done. 

I always thought that I have passed this wisdom tooth 'stage' because when they were growing out (which I don't exactly know when hah), they didn't cause any discomfort at all. 

This time, my gums were inflamed due to (I believe) food being stuck in that small valley between the normal tooth and the 'Cleopatra wisdom tooth. Heh. Cleopatra because the wisdom tooth was lying instead of standing like all usual teeth. 

Here is an x-ray being done before the dentist could advise on what to do. It was necessary because she (the dentist) needed to confirm if the affected wisdom tooth was in a "good" position for extraction. 


There it is - my set of straight teeth - thanks to 4-years of wearing braces (worth every money spent and pain endured!). Surely you can also see that my left and right tooth grew out to be very close to my teeth and there is a very small tiny gap in between. 

This is where food gets stuck and I have absolutely no way to get them out. So, the ideal way is to extract my wisdom tooth (left side first since the right side doesn't cause any problem - yet). 

The dentist then explained to me that this 2D x-ray cannot really show us if the wisdom tooth is touching (or protruding) the inferior alveolar nerve or lingual nerve. And if it is very near to the nerve, then the extraction procedure itself could cause damage to the nerve. 

She told me that the risk is that I may lose the sense of my left cheek/ and/or/left lip and/or left gums. I remembered asking her if it's a forever kind of thing and the answer is: it could be. 

I was not going to take that risk immediately for sure. 

She gave me an option to go for a 3D x-ray at Lam Wah Ee Hospital and I went to have that done the very next day. Within 45-minutes, I walked out of the hospital with the CD in my hand - spent RM200 there.

That evening, I went back to the dental clinic and she examined the x-ray and confirmed the worse. Okay, not the worse la. But basically not a piece of very good news - at least not that one I hoped to hear anyways. 

The image is on the CD and I don't have a CD reader at home so got to do without. 

Basically, what the 3D x-ray shows are that both wisdom tooth is protruding the nerve and because of this, the risk of having a numb cheek/lip/gum is a lot higher - anything can happen during the extraction and there is no guarantee. 

So the dentist gave me another option - Coronectomy. 

It is a procedure to remove the top of the wisdom tooth and leaving the roots untouched so we can leave the nerve alone hah. 

I thought about it for like 10-seconds and went ahead with the procedure - the next day I think ( I cannot remember). 

When it was time to sit on that scary chair, I was praying so hard I won't feel anything - not even from the injections. I saw the needle and I closed my eyes and obviously, it was painful! The anesthetic jab was painful, full stop. It was not like an ant bite.

The entire process took about one and half hours. 

It was long because she had to remove my left topmost inner tooth too - if not, I will be biting onto my gum below since the crown of the wisdom tooth is gone. If you see the x-ray image below, the top tooth was not extracted yet. She just wanted to show me that my wisdom tooth still has its root inside, and prayerfully please don't kena infections all. Hah. 

So yeah. I closed my eyes most of the time and imagined I was lying on the beach at Gili Trawangan. It worked for a while until I started feeling intense pain midway and she injected me with more anesthetic and smooth sailing again. 


Total damage spent on fixing this pain-in-my-bum bum was RM1,000. Well, I sort of already knew that it was going to cost a bomb because everyone say so - but still, worth getting rid of that toothache. 

Okay, so the conclusion is I did not get my wisdom tooth removed - not really anyways. Only half is gone. 

Now I'm hoping the right side doesn't start pattern all - because that means I would need to go through another round of Coronectomy. Though it was a smooth experience, I don't think I want to go through it again. 

Something like going for a roller-coaster ride. Yes, I no longer enjoy going on a roller-coaster. No thanks to bad motion sickness after that. Come to think about it, I don't enjoy going on any rides that move. Hah. 

I rather walk around and shop in places like Universal Studios or Disneylands - oh and eat snacks. My definition of enjoys life heh. 

Alright, so for those of you who need to go through this wisdom tooth thing in the future, all the best, and don't be scared because your fear cannot magically take away your toothache wan. You just got to go through it like a champ and come out a warrior. Hah. 

Till next time, bye now. 

14 August 2021

Where is B. Mojo?

Time flies is such an understatement, please. 

Can you believe that I am done with week two of my training at work, and I've only been to the office once. I miss my table if you did not already know that. I love the view, and honestly, it is as though the entire office's interior is taken from my Pinterest board or something. 

I intend to snap photos and just get someone to come renovate my house like that. Hah. 

Work has been fun and stressful (when either one of the kids decides to stick with me). Dahlah I am already struggling to get used to using 2-screens (which I now must have) and trying to compose emails and all - but somewhat something inside me secretly loving it - loving the attention. Like they still very much need me. 

Siau liau this mother. 

I want them to be independent, yet not so much. CAN NEVER WIN. 

I've got a few recipes that I have wanted to share here, but my blogging mojo seems to be taking leave so we will wait for it to come home first. Heh. 

For now, I am just going to work on work (heh), and my next project is actually getting the photos (that I have received from Photobook) and frame them up on the dining room wall. 

Do you know that you can go to the official website of Photobook through Shop.com and earn Shop Points just like that? 

GO FOR IT. 

Till next time, bye now. 

15 July 2021

One Vaccine Down!

Why was I feeling so on edge while waiting for the vaccination?

To think back - it is so silly goodness. 

I am not particularly afraid of needles and injections, and hopefully, it wasn't about the crowd too, because I love being with people. 

It could be because it felt like finally there is a glimpse of hope - that all this will one day go away and now all we need to do is take that one step at a time, and get vaccinated, and stay home and stay safe. 

I cannot wait, till the day we can safely be with our families and friends, and no need to be so afraid. 

Till then, stay safe. 

14 July 2021

Why am I So Nervous About the Vaccine?

My vaccination appointment is tomorrow - and I am feeling so nervous - like going for an interview nervous. No idea why I felt that I need to do some kind of preparation before taking the shot. Hah. 

Adrian thought it was funny for me to be this nervous. 

I asked him to bring me there because I scared. 

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

Not super excited about the common side-effects though. I hate having a fever because I usually cannot do anything or get out of bed. Prayerfully, the side effects will be a total zero for me!

Be confident, Sarah. 

Really as though going for interviews. Apani. 

09 July 2021

Excited For My What's Next!

Based on what was written in my previous post, you should have figured that I have indeed decided to apply for a job and will be saying goodbye to being a full-time stay-at-home mom (soon) to my two precious kids. It was not an easy decision, but an inevitable one - as according to my husband. 

It is not only physically demanding but also mentally challenging - to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. There is a constant need to make sure I don't get sucked into the everyday-lazing-around-with the kids, which is so tempting, even after completing the house chores and whatnots. 

On good days, I kept my day filled with re-organizing cupboards after cupboards and adding home decor items on my Shopee account. My bank account is going to hit zero soon if I continue to 'home-decor' every day. Heh. 

On bad days, I just laze around with Alex and Sofia on the couch and snack, non-stop. Oh, the life right? By the second half of the noon, I would get agitated easily and I know why - because I have been not productive at all - in a way. 

On most days, I am not able to do anything I actually want when the kids are awake, because all they want to do is for you to sit with them to watch Cocomelon together. Sofia only wants to sit quietly (without food) when you sit with her. So, yes. A very clingy day-to-day JD. 

So, to all full-time stay-at-home moms, I salute you. It is difficult and it gets impossible sometimes, and we wonder how we manage to survive through it all - the everyday-repetitive-demanding-life. But hey, we did give birth to a human - out of our body. So, we are already champions - whether our partners recognize it or not - or I mean whether they show their appreciation in the ways we want to or not. Hah. 

If you are a full-time stay-at-home mom, you guys are rocking it and making such a big difference in your children's life. If you are a working mom, get rid of that guilt and know that you are also rocking it. It is a good decision and what you do is what is best for your family. So, say bye-bye to that mom-guilt. 

I was so happy when HR called me and finally saying "Congratulations Sarah! We'd love to have you join the team!". I was smiling from ear to ear. It was a Friday and it sets the weekend right. I remembered calling Adrian straight away and was just jumping up and down!

I have the whole month of July to spend time with the kids before starting work officially in August. 

I do have to admit that there is a pinch of sadness and reluctance when I think about starting work in August - just based on the fact that I no longer will be around Alex & Sofia 24/7. I have gotten used to seeing their face every minute, so I don't really know how I am going to cope with that change - but I will do okay I feel - because Vanessa is going to send me their videos and updates every hour. Heh.

And now, I got more budget for home-decor things - starting August. Hah. 

So, here's to spending July smartly (is there such word? Hah) and wisely with my kids and family. I am super excited and nervous for August to come. More excited I reckon. I even bought a new notebook, a new handbag (hah) and stick-ons for all my learnings starting in August. I still need to buy my stationaries. 

Gotta need new stationaries for new beginnings, right? Heh. 

Till next update, bye now. Stay safe everyone. 

20 June 2021

I Updated My Resume, Now What?

Our kids sleep at 8PM because there is nothing much to do at home and we (Adrian and I) need to squeeze in time for each other, right after they sleep. 

Oftentimes, we find ourselves not being able to because he has to continue working, and I usually fall asleep with the kids. So, we hardly talk sometimes. So sad I know. 

But we now have a new thing where we started spending time with each other on the bed when both kids are drinking their milk and slowly going into dreamworld. We would be lying down with them in the darkroom, and start talking and sharing our day and stuff. 

Last night was one of the nights where our conversation was somehow steered to a serious-life-changing-kind where we discussed things like future plans and whatnots. 

The kind of conversation where it makes you think hard and talk hard with each other. 

The realization is that as much as I enjoyed staying home spending 24/7 with my children, I cannot deny that I miss a part of me that only exists when I am at work (whether in the office or working remotely). 

It felt like I was losing something in me - be it some sort of passion or drive or motivation (if you know what I mean) and after sharing that with Adrian, he completely agrees. Something changed in me. Something seems a bit off. Hah. 

So, we re-visit the idea of me going back to work and we continued to wonder if that is the right thing to do, because I really love spending time with Alex and Sofia. I definitely would want to find something that allows me to work from home (flexible to go into the office anytime). 

I do like to work in the office, but I need the flexibility to work elsewhere. 

It was such a great conversation with Adrian that night. I felt relieved and we had gin & tonic after that. Hah. 

The next morning, I updated my resume. 

Till next time. 

12 June 2021

How To Make Your Own Jam With Only 3 Ingredients!

 If you were to tell me years ago, that I would be making my own jam in the future, I would have said to you, "You mad bro!"

I have never seen myself so domesticated before it is insane. This is what a full lockdown can do to you, and when people give you loads of berries and your children and husband are not big fans of those berries. 

It started because I didn't want the berries to turn bad - so I decided to make a jam out of it - that way, we can keep it for long. Coincidentally, our store-bought jam also finished liau - so perfect time or what. 

I started googling for easy recipes and many of them have pectin in them, but since I did not know then what pectin is, I googled, "Homemade berries jam without pectin" and the recipe came out and it worked! 

FYI - these berries also have got pectin in them naturally so when you cook them longer, they will get thicker over time and becomes jam after keeping in the fridge. 

So, all you need are your berries (can be just strawberry or mix berries), sugar, and lemon juice. SO EASY RIGHT. Ohh, and with lots of love heh. 

Because it is that easy! 

The first thing to do is you would want to dice your berries. Then, put them in a pot and your fire should be medium - not too big later your berries chau-weh-ta (burnt). 

After you realize that more liquid is coming out of the berries, taste to see if the combination of all the berries turns out to be sweet or sour. If sour, add in some sugar and stir. 

Then, add in a bit of lemon juice. Yes, even if the berries are sour, you still need to add a bit of lemon juice, because the lemon juice will lower the pH of the mixture. 

Then, taste again to make sure it becomes the kind of jam that you would like - not too sweet and not too sour. I always add sugar slowly to make sure it doesn't get too sweet. 

Oh, also remember to mash the berries to the consistency that you would like. If you like your jam to be chunkier, then mash less. 

Let the jam cools down, and transfer to glass bottles to keep. I'm not sure if you can keep in plastic bottles, because why not right? But I just follow what people usually do - so I also keep mine in glass bottles heh. 

The first batch that I did, I kept it in the fridge and almost finished. So I guess time to get more berries to make more jam. 

You can try to make your own jam because the store-bought ones - don't know what other preservatives they put inside. So, I guess you can say that this is a much healthier option for you and your family. 

And it is so satisfying to make it seriously. 

Here's a quick video :)

Till next time, bye now. 

31 May 2021

Alex is Three!

"Enjoy every moment because they will grow up so fast and you will miss it"

Someone said this to me when Alex was just born, and at that time, I find it hard to believe and accept that time will pass me by because it was so difficult being a mother for the first time to a colic baby. It was so challenging in every way. 

But now, I say it to new moms. Hah. 

Because they are so true. 

It feels like he turned three after I blinked my eyes ten times - so surreal because I still remember so clearly when he was born, and the struggles of breastfeeding him and him crying all night because of colic. 

Last year, we wanted to bring him to the zoo on his birthday but we were in our first lockdown, so we celebrated at home. This year, we obviously still want to bring him to a zoo, but we are also still in lockdown so we stayed home (where else can we go right?). 

Initially, the plan was to get him a really nice cake, order some of his favorite food and 'try' to allow him to do or eat anything he wants. 

The plan then changed to scheduling a Zoom call with family and friends, ordered a custom made cake that is affordable, some of his favorite foods ordered and paid for by our sisters (Adrian and mine), and I did allow him to almost everything he wanted to do and he ate whatever he wanted. 


I ordered the cake from Jasmine Cake House. I had no idea what kind of cake he wants so I went to Jasmine Cake House's FB and saved cake photos of which I think may interest Alex. Then, I showed him like 10 photos and he came back with this photo. I tried changing and convincing him to other cakes but he kept coming back to this one, so this one wins. 


We paid RM100 for the cake (including delivery to the house) so in my opinion, that is a pretty good price for a custom-made cake. The monster truck and remote control are not edible. 

We set the call to 6PM and we were struggling with the set-up because at first, we used Adrian's Huawei's laptop and realized that the webcam's angle is totally out and people won't be able to see us and the cake. So, we changed to my Mac and realized that I have not gotten the converter because of the need to connect the HDMI and we tried searching for ways to cast screen mirroring but how also need the HDMI cable. 

Then, we took Adrian's old laptop and after setting it up, we realized that the sound system was already kaput and what is a Zoom call if we cannot hear anyone. 

We then screen mirrored my iPhone but realized that we can only see 4 people on the screen. Problem I tell you. I wanted to go inside my room and hide under the blanket already at this point. 

So our only choice is to connect to the TV using Huawei's laptop and got creative in stacking up and arranging the laptop so the webcam can see all of us. Then, the sound would not come off the TV - so it was super soft and we could hardly hear anyone :( 

It was only after the whole sing birthday song thing that I suddenly realized that I needed to change the sound setting in the Zoom app! SHOOT ME NOW PLEASE. 


It was so hard to swallow this one because I always do it for my previous boss so how can I forget this time. Goodness me. 

There were more people who dialed in to be part of the birthday party, but when Eulene took this photo, many have left and I totally did not take any photos, please. And I was too busy trying to stop Sofia from finishing the entire cake heh. Also, apologies to those whom I forgot to send the link to - it was really a packed day for me, and Adrian had to work and all. 

Anyways, when it was time to sing the birthday song, Alex decided to not stand in front of his 'half'-eaten cake (by Sofia haha) and insist to sit on the sofa. 

I found out later that night that he wanted to sit on the sofa because he wanted to see everyone on the TV! I am guessing that he wanted to see everyone's face as we sing the birthday song for him! Oh, my heart. 

Although he didn't show it, I think Alex had a great time with everyone through Zoom - not our ideal way to celebrate but it's still something! I remembered feeling so happy and thankful when I was reflecting on it at night - feeling really blessed. 


THANK YOU ALL FOR LOVING ALEX. 


To my Alex boy, 

Happy Birthday and my constant prayer for you is that you will always find your strength in the Lord and your identity in Him. Never in us or the world. You are such a sensitive boy and that is okay. I know one day, you will be able to have more control over them. Now, you are just as confused as I may be at times. 

But remember that I love you, and you actually don't have to do anything more or less because I already love you so much. You also don't have to be like anyone for us to love you. 

Amazing how in one day, you can make me smile so hard and make me want to explode in frustration. You challenge me in ways I never knew is possible. And for that, I get to grow. I get to see things from another perspective. I get to be less self-centered. I get to be better. 

So, thank you for being my son. 

Thank you for loving me okay. 

Love you forever my little man. 

Till next time, bye now. 

29 May 2021

Healthy Peanut Butter Banana Oatmeal Cookies.

 Gone are the days when I crave cookies and go look outside and buy - like from Subway and other places - because cookies that are too sweet are just a no-go. 

I know of people who particularly want sweet cookies, and yes cookies need to be sweet, if not tak sedap okay. Don't know what has gotten into me also, because I've been trying to eat healthier. Heh. I can almost hear Adrian laughing at me saying that. Hah. 

It's true la okay. 

The keyword is 'I try'. 

I was scrolling through recipes on Instagram and I saw the photo of these healthy cookies and looked at the recipes, and they are so simple!

So simple I decided to try it the next day! 

It's flourless and sugarless - so if you have bananas (better if overripe), rolled oats, and peanut butter, then you are set to go! It's so easy, quick,, and healthy!

Also, according to the website where I found this recipe, this recipe is vegan, gluten-free, oil-free, sugar-free, and naturally sweetened! "Nutritious enough to have it for breakfast". 

Here are the recipes and there is a video that you can watch too :) 

These measurements are meant to make about 60 regular size cookies okay, so if you would like to make lesser than that, then just divide all the number by half. 

If not, you can always make more and give them to your friends. I realized kids somehow love the cookies more than adults - because it's really very healthy kind okay. 

INGREDIENTS:

  • 4 cups rolled oats
  • 2 cups of mashed banana (about 5-6 big ones)
  • 2/3 cup peanut butter
  • 2/3 chocolate chip (optional)
  • 2 tsp vanilla extract (optional)
  • 1 tsp cinnamon (optional)
  • 1 tsp salt 

INSTRUCTIONS:

  1. Preheat the oven to 175 degrees. Line a baking sheet over a baking pan. 
  2. In a large bowl, mix together mashed bananas, peanut butter, vanilla extra, cinnamon, and salt. 
  3. Add rolled oats and chocolate chips (or cranberries - optional) and mix until all is combined. 
  4. Scoop the dough into the baking pan and flatten it. 
  5. Bake for 15-minutes (for cherry texture). Anything more than 17-minutes will make the cookies quite hard. 
  6. Let it cool and enjoy! 

You can choose not to add the peanut butter if you want to be extremely healthy or something, but the peanut butter I feel makes it a lot nicer! Also, you can omit the chocolate chips. It's really very simple and you really can be flexible with any ingredients you want to add in. 

I tried making smaller versions but 15-minutes seems to be too long for them. So, I stayed with the regular size and 15-minutes is just ngam! :)

Enjoy this little quick video to see how it was done! 


Till next baking session, bye now. 

25 May 2021

Week One of New Role - SAHM.

My dad went for a bypass surgery a week + ago, and that also means that we (the kids and I) have not been going to their house for that long. Yes, I was already homesick by end of the week. Yep - overly attached I know and I take that as a compliment heh. 

So, with that I officially got to embrace my new role as a Stay-at-Home-Mom (not really because I have my Shop.com business), I realized that I cannot only just take care of them day-in and day-out - because, by the mid-second day, I was feeling lazier than usual. I was just chilling with them, have zero motivations whatsoever to do anything. I was literally counting the hours for my husband to come home so we could have dinner together and stuff. 

Then, on the third day, I told myself I need to find something to do - that I love, or would potentially love. 

So, I started searching for recipes for food items that I want to eat but don't want to order from outside. Soon, I find myself texting Adrian my bakery to-buy-list so he could get them for me when he comes home from work. 

The more I bake and the more I cook new food items that I have not tried before, the more motivated I was to do my work and take care of my children. 

And this is a true story. 

I have a higher tolerance and more patience towards my kids on days when I do bake or cook. I don't ki siau so fast and I actually spend more quality time with them, instead of just letting them watch TV to pass time by. 

So, when I say baking is my therapy, it really is. 

Now, some of you asked how do I even find the time and energy to bake and wash and handle the kids at the same time. The funny thing is I don't know. 

Because logically, it would mean I actually have to come out with extra energy & time to do the extra thing - but the funny part is although I do feel more worn out by the end of the night, I don't actually feel exhausted - as compared to when I do absolutely nothing else but taking care of the kids. 

Get what I mean?

Maybe you do, maybe you don't. 

But if you do, you should try to find something to do other than being a mom, because you will find that your everyday life becomes more interesting and less stressful. I don't even know if that makes any sense but yeah, please try them. You will at least feel less miserable and lonely. Hah. 

It could be knitting, arts and crafts things, gardening, cleaning, re-organizing, or creating Youtube videos. It could be anything you want! 

Except for anything that involves using your phone all the time I guess. 

Because watching Netflix just makes you feel lazier and you will feel extra exhausted after watching a TV show or a movie - also a true story. 

Maybe choose something that your kids can be involved in of some sort. Although honestly sometimes I want to be baking alone - while they are taking their naps. 

We foresee many more weeks of us staying in our own homes so there will be more recipes coming up - but after a few tries, I can be good at it - like my twisted cinnamon buns. I am still not happy with how it turned out, so I will trial and error with other recipes and see where I go from there. 

To my friends who live nearby, get ready to be my guinea pigs (hah). 

So yeah, the first week of full-time mom and I am already baking so much. I hope I don't end up eating all the baked goods if not people may start asking me if I am pregnant. Heh. I am not yet. 

Oh, and here's a tip on how to get your children to enjoy every meal - only let them watch TV or let them have screen time after they finish their meals. That way, they either have conversations with you during the meals or enjoy finishing up their food. 

I did a comparison and they took so much longer when they have screen time during mealtime. I also lost my sanity more times during that time. So, to make sure everyone is well-fed and happy by the end of mealtime, no watching TVs at all. 

Alex knows this very well by now. Sofia cannot really be bothered because every time she has food in front of her, she is 100% focused. No problem with that. 

Okay, enough of the end of week one thing. 

Till next time, bye now. 

18 May 2021

10-Ingredients Chocolate Brownies (One Half With Peanut Butter)!

Brownies are one of those dessert things that my family would crave randomly - quite often actually. And since we love to eat them so much, it is better if we learn to make them and be good at them. 

That way, we can use good ingredients that we can afford heh. and make it less sweet. 

I was very keen to learn to make brownies because I saw online a few recipes and they seemed so doable. I also know and read online that not all recipes will ngam you so try a few times baru tau. 

Then, one day I saw Pat K's IG and she mentioned that she has tried a few recipes and this is the one that she likes the most - so I decided to give it a try. Ingredients are simple enough so the trip to a bakery to get those supplies was easy. 

This is my third attempt (first time with peanut butter) and I am loving it! It turned out to be better than the first time I did it - the differences were I used a better cocoa powder and chocolate chips and I pre-heated the baking pan this time. 

So, this round of brownies was way better - crispy on top and gooey in the middle. In the recipe below, I minus the sugar content already so it is a little different than Pat K's. We prefer less sweet brownies because when brownies become too sweet, it's not nice (to us anyway). Actually, even after I lessen the sugar content, it is still sweet. I don't dare to lessen more because scared later the recipe will lari sikit. Heh. 

So here goes. 

10-INGREDIENTS CHOCOLATE BROWNIES (HALF WITH PEANUT BUTTER)

Ingredients:-

  • 225g salted butter (melted and cooled)
  • 2 tablespoons canola oil 
  • 150g brown sugar
  • 200g white sugar
  • 4 eggs (room temperature)
  • 4 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 140g all-purpose flour
  • 120g unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 200g chocolate chips (or chopped chocolate)

STEPS:-

  1. Preheat the oven (and baking pan with baking sheet lined) to 175 degrees Celcius. 
  2. Combine butter, oil, and sugar (brown and white) in a large bowl. 
  3. Add eggs, vanilla extract, and salt
  4. Whisk till everything is well combined. 
  5. In the same bowl, sift in flour and cocoa powder. 
  6. Add in chocolate chips (or chocolate chunks). 
  7. Gently fold the batter with a spatula till well combined. DO NOT OVER-MIX - that is why I add in the chocolate chips then only mix together to avoid over mixing. 
  8. Pour the batter into the preheated baking pan. 
    • This is where you add the peanut butter (if you want). 
    • Put a few dollops of peanut butter on top and straighten them out with a butter knife.
    • Or you can pour half the brownies batter then add the peanut butter and then 'close' it with the other half of the brownies batter. 
  9. You can add more chocolate chips on top (totally optional). 
  10. Bake the brownies for 35-40-minutes (my best is 35 minutes).
  11. Once the time is up, turn off the oven and leave the brownies inside for a good 2-minutes. 
  12. Remove from the oven and let it rest/cool down before you cut with a plastic knife (brownie hack: your brownies won't stick to your plastic knife). 
  13. Or even better if you can get those brownies cutter and then you will get even cut brownies - unlike mine. Every piece is unique hah. 
So there it is. 

I modified a bit on the recipe and steps according to what worked for me so yeah. You can go try and see. Maybe you would like to add more sugar to yours or use bitter chocolate chips etc. I used milk chocolate chips and they are so yummy, please. 


Till next cooking and baking, bye now. 

14 May 2021

Getting the Right Laptop!

 Why is it such a difficult decision to make when it comes to getting the 'right' laptop? 

We have talked about getting a new one after I officially resigned from HTT and until now, we are not ready to cross that bridge. We don't know which one to get! 

We wanted to get a tablet - I love (so love) the Microsoft Surface Go 2 (with red everything) but a friend shared that it is not worth the money. So, I am now back to square one. 

My mind was pretty fixed with Microsoft but after that review, I need to not go there anymore. Adrian tried to convince me to get Huawei (like his) - but the way they placed their webcam, umm I cannot. 

Huawei is definitely out. 

Apple laptops are out too - because they are ridiculously expensive and I don't need such a fancy laptop. I love how nice they look though. A for that. 

I am either for Dell or HP - because I have used both and loved using both. 

I was leaning towards Dell Inspiron 14 (2-in1) where they have touch screens and adjustable screens but Adrian said touch screens laptops are not very good. So, now I am back to the box - of no decisions made. 

So, if you are reading this, and have similar criteria like mine, and have made a very 'worth your money' purchase on a laptop, please share with this girl. I do not want to buy the 'wrong' laptop. 

Must-have criteria:

  • Lightweight (have to be able to carry out when with kids)
  • Preferably 14-inch screen size or smaller (don't want too big)
  • Budget not more than RM2,500 (below RM2,000 even better)
  • Backlit keyboard (because sometimes I have to work in the dark, so I need the keyboard lights)
I even googled 'Best Laptop for Moms' but I gave up going through the list after 2-minutes. All the comparisons between the processors etc. I cannot. 

I am currently using Adrian's old laptop and to be honest, it can still be used but there are 2 things that made us sort of want to replace it with a new one. First, its' sound system is a gone case so no watching movies or listening to Spotify, or trying to edit more videos (boo), and second, its battery is also a gone case so that means I have to always connect it with the power supply. 

And that is an issue because, with 2 kids at home, I have to be able to work anywhere (anytime), and not having to connect my laptop 24/7 is crucial. 

So, please help a friend out. Which laptop have you used before that is not super fancy? I just need a laptop for normal everyday use, and I don't want laptops that lag too please thank you. Or are there any laptops that I should avoid buying - also very important. 

Thank you in advance! :)

Till next time, bye now. 

22 April 2021

2D1N Hotel Jen Penang Georgetown by Shangri-La.

Big shoutout to Tourism Malaysia for making this staycation happen. I know you a bit blur now why I said that heh. 
Because Tourism Malaysia came out with a Stimulus Package alongside MATTA and Shopee - where they are sponsoring RM100 per person (discount) for any tour package purchased on Shopee that is in line with MATTA. 

Needless to say, Holiday Tours has a few packages lined up and one of them was a 2D1N staycation at Hotel Jen Penang Georgetown by Shangri-La! 



The selling price for the 2D1N Hotel Jen is RM115 per person for the 2D1N package, so with the RM100 discount voucher on Shopee, we actually only paid RM15 for a hotel staycation. 

Every account is only entitled to 1 RM100 discount voucher, and there were like 12 of us so we needed 12 people to buy and utilize these vouchers on Shopee - so we reached out to friends (haha) to help us out (only if they did not plan to use them) and finally, we managed to get all the vouchers and wala - it was staycation time! Heh. 

You can try this link (click with your phone app) and see if the package is still there - because I am quite sure the Hotel Jen's package is fully booked/purchased. But there are many other packages that you can use this RM100 voucher on. 

You can only enjoy this voucher thing via Shopee App - if I am not wrong. 




We emailed the Reservations Team days prior to the check-in and requested for all rooms to be on the same floor and if possible, to have multiple connecting rooms - and to have early check-ins. 

We were informed that early check-ins were not possible due to the high occupancy rate that week so that was a bummer that we had to only check in at 3PM - but being us, we went to the hotel early anyways, at like about 1245PM. 

We decided to try request for early check-in (again) and it worked! We managed to check into 2 rooms first and then by 2PM, all our rooms were ready! So, that works! Heh. Perseverance is key :)

This is the package that we purchased. 

It is inclusive of:-
> daily buffet breakfast
> entrance ticket to 3D Trick Art Museum

Oh, and we paid an extra RM10 per room for the weekend surcharge. 


Now, about the stay and the room and the breakfast. 

The staff was friendly and helpful. It was such a pleasant check-in experience with them. The lobby is nice and clean, even the hallway to the rooms. There were lots of sanitizers in the hotel so very convenient to wash your hands every 5 steps. Heh. 

The room (Deluxe Room with King bed) was quite spacious - and I love that they have an extra lounge chair by their giant window (which I love so much!).

Overall, clean room with a clean bathroom so I think I will give it a 4 out of 5 stars. 

The missing 1-star because of its location heh. I think it is a great hotel for those who prefer to explore the city and do some cafe hopping and for businessmen for sure. But for families with children, it is not very ideal - just because there were not many things to do in (around) the hotel. 

No beach and the pool are very basic. Also, cos Covid so no swimming for all of us so bleh. 


Only 2 rooms were connected - my grandma's and ours. So our room was the party/supper-room. Yes, we tapau food from Green House - like curry mee and tailok mee and steamed chicken. Heh. 

So here's a fun hack. 

Do you know that you can call the hotel and request bowls and cutleries from the restaurant and they will bring it to your room? We requested 5 bowls and cutleries and they delivered. 

Like legit super nice good quality bowls that they use in the restaurant okay - not those plastic bowls. 

That is why we could enjoy our curry mee and yee sang kai chok. Heh. 

So now you know ok. 

Here's a short video of the room :)


Till next staycation, bye now. 

16 April 2021

Mamu Maggi Goreng at Old Winston Coffee Garden, Penang.

This is the best Maggi Goreng in the world okay - based on my opinion (and most of those who have tasted it) heh. 

If I already up-ed your expectations, then too bad. Hah. Because when I crave maggi goreng, this is my to-go place. I mean like - we (our gang) will purposely plan for lunch together at this place when most of us are on leave. Good thing my office super near to their current location. 

They have switched places a few times but always around the same area - KDU College Georgetown area. The previous place they were at, the packing costs RM6 per entry and that also you can still see many people dining there. The parking fee is not charged by them by the way. 

I think most people usually park further and walk to their old place. 

Now, they are stationed at the Old Winston Coffee Garden (used to be a famous dim sum place in the AM) and the parking is RM2 per entry (also not by them). 

So, they are famous for their Maggi Goreng and Nasi Goreng. I only always just order their Maggi Goreng Telur Atas - another comfort food of mine. 

By the time I finished an entire plate, I would be so full and satisfied. 

The only minus thing about that place is, it gets so so hot. They have fans but the heat under that zinc roof is insane. I would sweat buckets and my behinds would get wet. People probably think I peed on my own. Kid you not. 

Ask anyone who has eaten there before and they will tell you how hot it can get over there. 

Then again, we tried to tapau back but it just didn't taste as nice. 

You just gotta eat it there and experience the whole heat la I guess. Hah. 

So, please go try it okay! 

He says: Classic! Something you couldn't find elsewhere. Didn't like it at first but became a personal favorite!
She says: This is not the typical maggi goreng you get at nasi kandar stall. This one is basah and sedap. There are some vegetables in it and it's spicy and super yummy. If you don't like your maggi goreng to be basah, then you will probably not like this one. You can choose to add ayam goreng and sosej also if you want. 

Till next makan, bye now. 

09 April 2021

3D2N Shangri La's Rasa Sayang Resort & Spa, Penang.

This is another supposed-to-be-posted-one-year-ago but here I am - never too late is the way to go hah. 

For Adrian's 30th birthday last year, I decided to surprise him with a few surprises but the one that I was looking forward to the most was this staycation. If you watch this video, you would know how he reacted when he found out that his birthday present was a 2-night staycation at Rasa Sayang Resort & Spa. 

Why this hotel you ask?

Because it's one of the 5-star hotels that Adrian really likes (though he never stays before) but he really loves the wooden feel that this hotel has. Knowing him, he would never pay to stay at any 5-star hotel unless it's a really good deal - same with me also actually but I not so extreme la. Heh. 

That time last year, Rasa Sayang had these FB live sessions where they give out promo codes for their rooms if you book with them directly and so, it was just the right time! 

You have to stay a minimum of 2 nights to enjoy these discounts (Facebook Weekday Offer) and I paid a total of RM420 for 2 nights - so that makes it RM210 for a Garden Wing Deluxe Garden View Room - which was acceptable (I think) for me. Hah.

That price included daily breakfast for 2 adults, early check-in at 12PM, and late check-out at 4PM. It was these conditions that they were shouting so loud about. 

I also sent them emails to request these (below) and that is also because their website asked if we would like these items so we of course said yes. 

Baby bottle sterilizer
Baby bottle warmer
Baby high chair
Baby playpen
Baby toilet seat

Needless to say, we did not get any of the above. They did not even update us if they have these or not to be sent to our room. They just continued being silent about it. I think if you don't have these items, you should not list them as optional for people to choose from, or if you are out of it, you should at least inform us. 

Good thing I emailed them again about 1 babycot before the trip starts. 

This was actually the second red flag. 

The first being - that we had to wait in the lobby for few hours even though we were told that we could check-in at 12PM - instead of 3PM. We reached the hotel at about 1PM and the receptionist looked lost and cold (he probably had a bad day or something because he was anything but friendly). He walked into the back office for like the 40th time before he could tell us when exactly we could check-in. 

We also reminded him that we were told that we can check-in by 12PM and it was already close to 2PM by the time we talked to him and all. The only thing he could tell us was, the rooms all not ready so we had to wait. Oh man. 

I understand that they may be under-staffed but do not tell people that they can come and check-in by 12PM. My 2 kids were going crazy by the time they called us. It was such a bad way to start the staycation. 

So, that's the first red flag okay. 

We decided to be positive and put all that behind us and just enjoy the weekend. 

It was not too long after we checked into the room, that Adrian realized the rooms were dusty (bed frames, side tables, main table, and chairs) and even Adrian (who usually is very very cincai kind of person) was highly disappointed. 

Their pillows had a funny smell and we did not dare to open up the sheets. 

The grass outside our balcony/patio was long and really messy and dirty. 

It was already affecting Adrian and he is usually the super-not-OCD-kind. We cleaned some common areas on our own. 

Their buffet breakfast is two thumbs up though. I did not go for any breakfast because I didn't feel like to so I stayed in the room with Sofia instead and slept in. 

But according to Adrian and his mom, it was pretty good. They have quite many choices. 

So, I guess in the overalls of it all, it is safe to say that we will not be doing any staycations at Rasa Sayang Resort & Spa - unless the deal is super good - like RM100 per night or something hah. 

If you ask Adrian, he will probably give you a worse review. Heh. 

Here's a quick room tour of the room. Sorry, no photos this time. Heh.


 Till next staycation, bye now. 

05 April 2021

Project Can by Haru Hari at Lebuh Gelugor, Penang.

Don't think you will miss seeing this newly launched cafe when you drive along the forever-busy-Jalan Masjid Negeri. This Project Can Cafe is on your left if you are driving towards the Penang Bridge and in the evening, it is even more obvious because the outdoor fairy lights would be switched on. 
The place is very cozy with giant trees providing so much shade and a homey-nice-warm-feeling. 

We woke up one Sunday morning and decided to try this place for breakfast. Partly because they have such a big outdoor area so I was not that paranoid about bringing my kids to eat and play. 

We were 30-minutes earlier than their official opening time, so we waited outside and look-see the surroundings. 


FYI - do not park your car on the pavement along with the cafe with yellow lines because we were told by the workers there that policemen have given many love letters to people who parked there (one of them is my SIL: Jaryn! Hah). Policemen would come up to 5-times in a day. 

We ordered 4 mains for 5 adults and 4 kids - finished everything because we were hungry and also because it was good - yummy good and portion big good. 

Their drinks were okay-okay (in our opinion) but food-wise, good lah. 

TIRAMISU - RM20

THE BIRD NEST - RM25
Deep fried shredded potatoes & leek, katsuobushi (beef bacon or ham) & mixed veggie pancakes. 

CAN BREAKKIE - RM25
Beef bacon, Heinz baked beans, McCain hashbrown, chicken ham, chicken sausage, mushroom, mesclun (green salad), tomato, sliced artisan sourdough and scramble kampung eggs. 

Overall:-

> Tiramisu cake is surprisingly very yummy and I don't even like tiramisu in general. 
> Can Brekkie is also surprisingly bigger than we expected and also yummy (portion for 2 persons)
> The Bird Nest is also very yummy and it tasted like a different version of okonomiyaki. 

For sure, we will come again to try their other food items. Also, you may want to call them to make reservations - especially on the weekends because they don't have a lot of tables so if you do not want to walk away disappointed, do call up first!

Till next makan, bye now. 

30 March 2021

We Bought a New Stroller from Ergobaby!

Before this, I never knew Ergobaby had other babies related products other than their famous Ergobaby baby carriers - which are the most important baby items for us to date. It is a lifesaver when your baby becomes cranky (whether at home or outside). Put them on with a baby carrier and they almost immediately calm down and goes to sleep. 

I remembered going through a lot of reviews back and forth when deciding which brand to get for baby carriers but ended up with Ergobaby although they are slightly more expensive than other brands. I was more comfortable with getting a genuine one (even though had to pay more) because I did not want to go through any "accidents" due to faulty/lousier materials. I was not gonna take any risks, to be honest. 

When this brand was mentioned for stroller suggestions, I was a little surprised! So, I spent an entire day doing more research and watching videos, and comparing strollers.

I don't know how most people do its comparison when it comes to strollers (or car seats and whatnot), but for me, every stroller that caught my attention - I compared them with Babyzen Yoyo+ and I try to get one that is closest to Babyzen Yoyo+ (if possible) but with the price around RM1,000. 

I saw a video where this lady was doing a comparison between a Babyzen Yoyo+ (exactly like our previous one) and an Ergobaby Metro+ Compact City Stroller 2020. She mentioned that she has tried quite many different types of strollers and these two are her top favorites (I think!). 

At the end of her video, she said that she actually prefers the Ergobaby Metro+ Compact City Stroller 2020 because she finds it easier to use and handle. 

She lives in Hong Kong and she uses the stroller with her baby everyday to everywhere. Very similar to my situation. Not that I am based in Hong Kong. But I need to use the stroller every day with Sofia and no, I cannot carry her in and out every day because hello, she is already at the 10KG mark (she is not overweight please), and my back is gonna break if I do it every day. Heh. 

So, when she said she preferred the Ergobaby to the Babyzen, I was very interested to find out more. To cut the long story short, I finally texted Adrian and told him that we would go for the Ergobaby and he texted GoodealBB and reserved one unit. 

Here is another read on the comparison between Babyzen Yoyo+ and Ergobaby Metro Compact City Stroller 2020 - if you are interested. 

We went to the shop to collect it the next day and now, I am happily enjoying it. 

The back wheels are bigger than the front wheels so it really feels very steady and super nice to push around. Also, it's a bonus that the black color and material make it so chic and pretty please. I am a sucker for pretty things - no surprises here. 

In all honesty, I would have chosen red but the shop only has black - so black it is. Luckily the black very nice indeed. 

When folded, it is slightly smaller than the current one though a bit heavier, heavier is good cos it is a lot steadier. 

Here's a video of how to open and close it by Adrian and like any other strollers, you need to practice to make it a smooth thing to do. So yeah, that is our take on our current stroller (hopefully the last one so no need to buy another one). 


Till next time, bye now. 

28 March 2021

Jiashi Restaurant (Relocated from Song River Cafe) at Gurney Drive, Penang.

If you are a true Penangite, you would have known or have eaten at this famous breakfast/lunch place at Song River Cafe by Gurney Drive, Penang.

Don't worry - not too late for you to go try it to be a true Penangite - because I found out about it not too long ago also ni so still got time for you to be self-declared a true Penangite. Heh. 

They do not serve dim sum - in case you are wondering. They serve Chinese food meant for breakfast and lunch. Closed for dinners (if I am not wrong). 

I thought that it was a bit too noisy from where we were seating (the front of the shop) as could hear cars drove by and dust etc. Not very bagus. 

The previous place the front side was quite covered so can hardly hear any like engines of cars driving by and definitely not much dust flying everywhere. 

BITTER GOURD WITH EGG - RM9.80
He says: It's alright. A bit too much egg and no bitter gourd.
She says: It should be called fried egg with bitter gourd. I mean seriously, those thin-sliced bitter gourd is like so few la, please. Disappointing. 

FRESH FISH BEEHOON (THICK) SOUP - RM9.80
He says: Not my type of food and not much taste also the soup. 
She says: Can find better beehoon soup outside. Nothing special. 

FRIED OYSTER NOODLE - RM10.30
He says: So-so only - but got a lot of baby oysters. 
She says: Quite generous with the baby oysters in my opinion. This is a one-person portion by the way. 

BRAISED FISH HEAD WITH YAM - RM34.40
He says: Not nice and don't like this one. Tastes better ones outside. 
She says: This is my parents' favorite. An okay dish for me. 

EGGPLANT BEANCURD - RM15.50
He says: Tofu is soft like my pillow and the stir-fried eggplants tasted so appetizing.
She says: Family's alltime favorite! The tofu is soft and the way the diced eggplant is cooked, it is absolutely yummy. 

FRIED BELACAN CHICKEN - RM15.50
He says: Normal je. 
She says: Nice when it's hot, taste like any usual belacan chicken.

FRIED GLASS NOODLES (WET) - RM9.80
He says: Love this one - will order this again next time.
She says: Not too bad, but I think they used to taste better. 

SHRIMP DATES - RM11.40
He says: Typical fried stuff - okay okay only. 
She says: Don't order this. Hah. Cannot tase or see any shrimp inside. Macam a lot of flour. 

Total price for 6-adults: RM177.10

When they were still at the Song River Cafe (not too far away from current location), their food tasted so much better and I remembered that we would always leave the place feeling really full and satisfied. 

This time, we left the place full (because over-ordered again heh), but we were not satisfied, and most of our food came in 1-person's portion (but 2 bowls because separated into 2 tables), but to be billed at RM177 is a bit nonsense. 

We didn't even order anything seafood. 

The price is definitely hiked up after they moved to this new place. 

We used to love having breakfast at Song River Cafe but now, with the food quality drop and pric increased, I don't think we would be coming back anytime soon. 

Time to try other place for breakfast. 

Till next makan, bye now.