03 December 2023

Adam Had Severe Sepsis.

It was just another weekday after work. Adrian fetched the kids home, and we met at one of our favorite dinner places. It was a quick spontaneous dinner date with our friends. The kids were all very playful after showering, just before bedtime. We noticed that Adam started having fever and fed him with 2ml of infant’s paracetamol.  

Adam was the first one to go to sleep, which is normal in our weekdays’ routine. He is already sleep-trained, so I would feed him with milk, kiss him goodnight many times, leave him in his cot, turn off the light and leave the room. He would cry for 5-seconds, and then he would fall asleep.  


That same night, I noticed he was making a lot of noises. He wasn’t crying. He was somewhat whining, and just making noises. At that time, it sounded cute really. But now that I thought about it, he was probably making the ‘I feel unwell’ sounds. We let him sleep between us because his temperature was not going down.  


The next morning, we took him to a children’s clinic, and boy, we waited close to 2 hours! There were so many sick kids in that clinic. It was madness.  


The diagnosis was a mild throat infection, so he was given an antibiotic and fever meds. He got the throat infection from me, because I was taking medications for it.


My mom took care of him while I went to the office. I went straight to fetch the kids after work because Adrian had football with his friends. My mom noticed that the medicines were not helping him as he was still having high fever the whole day through. At this point, I got a bit more worried than usual. I was also very exhausted because I did not sleep much the night before. 

 

Things got worse when I got home.  



I put him in his cot in the living room, and he didn’t move a muscle. I walked to the kitchen to put down the other million things I was carrying and still, I didn’t hear a sound from him. This was very odd, because he would always cry a bit. He doesn’t like to be in the cot. But there was zero sound. So, I kept calling out to him.  


At this point, Sofia jumped onto the cot to play with him. But he did not respond.  


I walked over to the cot and saw him lying on his back (the original position where I left him), and staring blankly at the ceiling, almost lifelessly. I immediately picked him up, and realized his body was hot, like on fire hot. Okay, I am obviously exaggerating a bit. But he was hot, and he was not moving like a baby should. He was like jelly hung on to me.  


I kept calling his name the entire time, because to be honest with you, I was afraid he may have seizures or fall asleep and never wake up. I was worried for the worse. I called Rachel and asked if I should go to the hospital. Then, I called Adrian because by then he would have access to his phone already, and he rushed home.  


I quickly took a shower and packed our hospital bags. My 2 toddlers at this point had not even eaten dinner yet. I was so caught up with the whole situation. Once Adrian came home, I was a bit more calmed down, and the kids ate a bit.  


We waited for my parents to come over so they could watch over Alex and Sofia. I drove to the hospital first because I didn’t want to risk waiting any longer. Adam was completely not himself. He fell asleep in the car, and I find myself praying until we got to the hospital.


We got to the emergency department and told the nurse that we wanted to get admitted.  



We waited for about 30 minutes for the on-call Paediatrician to attend to him. He took his blood for testing and did 2 nose swabs. Then, he did the whole needle thing on his tiny hand. Of course, Adam cried. If he didn’t cry, I would be extremely worried.  


We couldn’t get to the room yet because they needed to be sure that it was not covid or any influenza. The hospital needs to strategically place the sick children, so they don’t get other kinds of bacteria from sharing rooms. We requested a private room, but it has 13 other patients on the waiting list. We ended up with a 2-bedded room, which was absolutely fine as well.  



While waiting for the room, Adrian and Adam went to the emergency ward to begin on his antibiotic drip. Adam was sleeping on Adrian.  It must have been a really tiring day for Adam.


When we got to the room, it was almost 1130pm. So, Adrian went home to my parents and the kids. My parents went home to rest too. Adam and I slept quite well that night. The nurse came in every 2 hours to check on his fever, and although his fever did not break, it was not dangerously high either.  The next morning, Adam woke up and was smiling again. 



His appetite was good too! I was happy for sure! After a while, he got tired and lay down on me for a good 30 minutes awake. After that, he slept from 1130am to 4pm. Adrian was working non-stop next to us, and I fell asleep after a heavy breakfast (nasi kandar heh).  


Adam and I woke up and shared a peanut bun for our late lunch. Adrian had already left the hospital, to go home and get ready for the night duty switch. The initial medical report came back looking good, but his fever came back – which was odd. So, I guess at this point the doctor ran another test.



So, the doctor wanted us to stay another night to be sure. I went home and slept with Alex and Sofia. I was exhausted – emotionally and physically. The constant worrying is heavy.  


The next morning, the doctor came with the complete more thorough medical report, but I was not there yet. Adam’s diagnosis was shocking and scary.  


Severe Sepsis.  


We knew that sepsis is not a good thing, but we didn’t know how bad it was until we googled it.  


The normal level of Procalcitonin in a healthy individual must be under 0.05. Adam’s reading was 14.82! He was in the stage of sever sepsis or septic shock, which means the infection would have started attacking his organs, probably starting with his kidney.  


But he responded well to the antibiotics, and his fever did not come back, and the doctor discharged us. There was no reason to continue staying if it means it’s higher risk of him getting other bacterial infections.  



I thanked God that He has always been watching over us, over Adam. This is 100% God’s protection, because while the medical readings say that his organs “should” start failing, his organs turned out to be healthy and not damaged.  


The image of Adam laying down lifelessly in his cot that night haunts me. It scares me every time I remember it. I remember shaking in fear while carrying him, because I was so afraid not knowing what to do if he goes into a seizure. 


Don’t take risks with fever. You just don’t know what causes it, and it could potentially lead to something serious and deadly. Just don’t take any risk with fever.  

 

We had a similar medical incident with Alex when he was about 3 months old. That was crazy. He survived RSV. We were in the hospital for a week! Read more here.



Thank you guys for praying with us. 

Health is wealth. That's it. 

Till next update, bye now. 

27 November 2023

Hotel Hillary's Shinsaibashi, Osaka, Japan.

I remembered taking the longest time to find a legit hotel in Osaka, that will not dent our bank account too much. I wanted a private onsen in our room, but that would mean that we will need to spend more time in the room/resort. 

No thanks for this round. We want to explore Osaka as much as we can, with the limited time we got. 

After don't-know-how-many-hours, I finally decided on Hotel Hillary's Shinsaibashi because of its location and the price also not too bad. 

Shinsaibashi is Osaka's main shopping district. You know the famous Dotonbori River? It's a walking distance from Shinsaibashi, hence the location that we picked. 

Total price we paid for 3 nights was RM1356.29 (including taxes and all) - so per night is about RM452. 

What is inclusive: 

  • Free flow of good coffee and good tea throughout the day and night
  • Free flow of various flavored artisan bread at tea time onwards (there is an oven for you to warm the buns too) 
  • Onsen on the top floor 
  • Ice creams and Yakult-like drinks after your onsen session (it changes everyday)
The room is not big, and even for the 2 of us, I felt like I needed a bigger space. The toilet is very small but comes with a bathtub, so it's a win. 

I would recommend this hotel (hands down) to couples, but not for family unfortunately. 

We really love the walking distance to everything. 



Have a room tour with our Youtube video below :)

Till next staycation, bye now. 

08 November 2023

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness. 

One of the most difficult thing a human must do. 

Regardless of your race, forgiveness is difficult. A choice that each one of us must intentionally make. 

It's been that kind of season for me. 

I thought that these things only happen in teen years, but it's actually a norm in the adult life. You get judged no matter what you do. People don't give grace. Maybe we should not expect grace, I don't know. 

I didn't think I needed to write this and although it may look like I am on a defensive mode, I am actually doing this for me. I am doing this so I can have my closure, and I can go towards forgiveness. 

It's been a ride since I got pregnant with Adam. My skin condition is not a secret. I also don't expect people to give me sympathy. I wasn't looking for it either. I shared about it because I know there would be people out there going through a similar thing with me, and it will help to connect with them and go through it together. Little did I know, what I had was rare. 

Most people recovered after their baby came out. Mine didn't. It affected me mentally. I was on a pause with God. Still, I didn't expect nor did I want sympathy from people. 

I was also already a mom to 2 young toddlers. YOUNG TODDLERS. 

They want our attention most of the time, and they get cranky when they get sleepy or hungry, and they both have different personalities, and love language. I love our lil big family, but they are a lot. They take up a lot of energy and mental space. 

I was fighting my own physical battle, mom-guilt battle and at the same time, giving what I can and have to my career. I was falling sick a lot more than I wanted (obviously! Who wants to be sick?). Try being sick and still having to be a mom 100% at home. It takes all of you. It sucks big time!

I have gone through this "drama" before in my teen years, and I have had someone coming up to me to apologize, years after he heard certain things about me that was not true but he took it like they were true, only to find out that all the things told to him by our mutual friends, were out of context and all lies. 

After so many years, he came up to me and said he was sorry, that he should have approached me and asked. It mended our friendship instantly, and even though we don't see each other often now, we remained good friends. 

It's that season, like I said. 

Things were said about me, behind my back and out of context. When I first heard about it, I was hurt, upset and shocked. They didn't know the reason to what I did. They didn't bother asking me. They assumed and created their own story to portray me to be someone I am not. 

The hurtful part was not even how they portray me to be, and spreading them like hot cakes. It was the fact that they did it as if we don't have a friendship. As if I'm an enemy that they intend to bring down. There were no conversations with me about it. Zero. 

They just think it's the most mature thing to do and that is to just tell everyone they know that Sarah is like this because she did this. They didn't even know why I had to do it, or if I actually wanted to do what I did. 

I hoped for grace, and understanding. But clearly I was not on the same page, and that was my fault to assume that they would give me some grace, and walk alongside me. 

I had many anxiety attacks this year, and what made it tougher to overcome was the fact that when I am with my children, I try my absolute best to put a front so I could be the kind of mom they need now. I don't always successfully do it. Adrian stepped in a lot to help. But the anxiety attacks don't wait for the 'perfect time' to come. They just come as and when. For a few months, I felt like I was drowning. Heh. 

The things that were said about me, they didn't hurt me. Because there were no truths in them. I had valid reasons and I am going to live with that. I shared my story, and that's because I feel like everyone deserved to know. I cried before I even began telling the whole story. 

It was that difficult. 

But I knew that to start forgiving people, it starts with that. It starts with me being vulnerable with the team. With the people. 

I am thankful for close friends who have stood by me, despite hearing things about me. They are not parents (yet), but they understood my struggles, and they helped carry my weights. My family has always been 100% there, and never out of the picture. My sisters are God-sent. Talking to them lifts a certain weight off. My husband is hands down, the most understanding and honest man I even know. He is never too afraid to tell me the truth, and loves me harder when I am not that lovable. 

You can keep saying what you want, even without knowing the context, but just know that you shouldn't. It's not right. God wouldn't be pleased. When someone, especially when they are a friend, I recommend going up to them and have a conversation. It will do you more good, then putting an assumption and hurt people along the way. You want to build people up, not tear them apart. You want to be the reason for people to smile, and not cry. 

I am still hurt. I am finding it humanly difficult to forgive. But I want to move on. I want to prioritize what matters now, and unfortunately it is not these rumors, and it's not how I want to live my life. 

This is a closure for me. This is the final chapter on this book. I will move on, and I will forgive you. 

If you have heard things about me and you are unsure, talk to me okay? You can hear my side of story before making up your own. I promise I won't bite you. 

I've learned that forgiveness is a choice. It is personal and it is meant for me (not for them). Forgiving people is hard and it is not forgetting. Forgiving someone also does not mean that you approve of what they did. You can forgive someone and know that what they did was not okay. Forgiveness is also not trust. Forgiving them doesn't mean you can trust them completely again, but it can be rebuild of course. 

For those of you who is finding hard to forgive, start by finding a way to have a closure. It helps me. And I hope it will help you. I think even with a closure, it will take some time to forgive a person entirely, but you will get there. We will get there eventually. 

Side note: if you think my IG stories doesn't benefit you, or it makes you upset, or it annoys you - please don't continue to follow it. It is absolutely fine! I will not hold it against you. To be honest, I never check who follows or unfollows me. I don't care actually. If you think you like to see my daily boring contents, then I hope you will find joy in them. If not, it is perfectly okay to unfollow me :) 

Till next time, bye now.