I was asked this question many times, by different people, and I find it difficult to come out with an answer every single time.
Surely every different stage of motherhood has its own difficulties, so I struggled to find my answer to this frequently asked question.
Not until recently, when we realized that we have a few days before Alex officially attends kindergarten. I remember feeling excited when we registered for him last year, but as of this month onwards, that excitement had turned into sadness. I know. So weird right?
Something is wrong with me. But is there really?
I teared up (in office) when I received a message from his principal (last week I think) - informing me about an orientation for all parents and then it really hit me hard. Then a few days later, I received another text message, asking for Alex's name in Chinese character and I almost lost it. Heh.
Then, I realized that the hardest part of motherhood for me is letting go, over and over again. It does not matter how big or small the 'letting go' is, it is still as hard.
I know of the importance of letting go. You know so that he gets the chance to grow his own set of wings. Knowing that and actually needing to do it are two completely different things.
It is by far, the hardest thing I had to do. Childbirth is a peanut in comparison to letting go.
I also know that this is just me letting him go to school to learn Mandarin (mainly hah) and to get a social life among his peers and all that kid's stuff. But it is also the fact that I am letting him go to an unfamiliar place where he has to handle things on his own. Don't get me wrong - I want him to be independent and all but I have so many what-ifs.
What if he gets bullied? He is quite small in size for his age.
What if no one wants to be his friend?
What if he needs to cry but I am not there to comfort him?
What if the teacher is being mean to him and he doesn't know how to tell us?
What if he gets scared because he doesn't know anyone there?
The hardest part of motherhood is having to let go, over and over again, and enduring these tiny little heartbreaks.