In Loving Memory of Pastor Lim Heok Cheow.

The impact is bigger than imagined. 

It is surreal that Pastor Heok Cheow is no longer reachable via his phone, FB, or home visits. Every time when I think of that, I become sad. It is one of the hardest goodbyes.

My only regret is not calling/visiting him earlier.

We have arranged for a dinner party at his house on the day he passed away. If only we did the dinner party a week earlier. So many 'if only' so I'm going to stop.

I mentioned this in my eulogy so here it is again.

When I first met Pastor HC who was the Youth Pastor back then in 2003 (I was 15yo), I was scared of him. He looked strict and serious, but later on, I found out that he is such a funny and relatable man. You would know because he is loved by so many people especially young people.

You would also know how he loves to exaggerate certain things in his stories (most of the time real-life stories okay) and he always managed to bring the life out of each story that he had ever told. It's as though we were there when we were really not. 

There was once when he (the only adult among us at that time) brought the youth leaders (a bunch of young people) to Langkawi for a "leaders getaway" where we would spend some time there praying and seeking God's direction in our lives and ministry. 

Once we were driving down Cenang Beach and he told us that there is this mall where they charge an entrance fee of RM2 per person. You will get a packet of tissue upon payment. Immediately, we were all like, "Who would pay RM2 to use a toilet?" 

He went on to praise this supposedly 5-stars toilet and convinced ALL of us to give it a try. Can I just say again that we were just a bunch of young people with very limited moolahs! But guess what. 

We did. 

We paid RM2 per person to go see this really-amazing-must-experience-toilet that Pastor Heok Cheow talked about.

IT WAS HORRIBLE PLEASE. My house toilet is so much better than this toilet. The floor was wet, the sink was wet and slightly dirty and the cubicles were meh. 

Of course, he was bombarded by our "complaints" when we got into the van again. I remembered he just burst into the biggest laughter as though he has successfully tricked us all. It was such a precious moment. One of the many precious moments we have had with this God-loving man. 

From then on, every time he tells us a story, we would jokingly ask him to tone it down and not kesi-kesi add elements to it. I loved that he was such a relatable and down to earth that we could be ourselves when with him. He was not judgemental and he was not critical. 

Surely, he had taught and corrected us in our ways but never once, I ever felt condemned or looked down even by Pastor Heok Cheow. 

Working alongside him (a few times as a staff) has been great and a blessing. 

I do not cry in front of people (other than family) but this man and Ps Cowan have seen me at one of my weakest times and I am forever thankful because these two are God-sent. Excuse me, Pastor Cowan - this is not a eulogy for you so you don't perasan. Surely you will live long, please. 

It sucks that I was not able to "send" him off by being there but I know in my heart, he will never be forgotten. I have finally un-sync his calendars on my phone. And I will never forget the sound of your super-exaggerated-laughter that will shake the room and your love for big prawns every time you have your nasi kandar and your quick snooze in front of your desktop and your mega-deep biblical materials. 

I miss you, Noonday Sun. 

Enjoy dancing with Jesus :) Till we see you again one day. 

Did I Really Join an MLM Company?

I know many of you are somewhat confused with my recent postings on IG and FB since mid-July because I have been sharing on many kinds of products - ranging from health supplements to hair care products to makeup items. 

In one of my previous post titled 'Do You Want to Earn Extra Side Income?', I briefly talked about some of the health supplements that I have been taking that worked, even for my parents okay. 

But this post will be more on what the business is and what exactly am I doing. 

I am still very much employed at Holiday Tours Penang despite the pandemic that caused the biggest decrease in business for all tourism industry-related businesses since forever. 

We get pay-cuts and all but who knows what is going to happen if the vaccine never comes out, right? 

Since mid-July, I had officially joined the dark side. Hah. 

No - it is not MLM. More info below. *not self-denial please* Heh.

My husband calls it Direct Selling and as much as I do not want to admit it - it is Direct Selling kind of business. I remembered telling him (and myself) that I will never join any direct selling companies because I am just not into MLM kind of business right. 

Well, not until I know more details about Shop.com by Market Malaysia. Initially, I also thought that it's an MLM business so I was really like not interested. I first heard it from a friend, Steven but quickly just never thought about it because direct selling ma right. Then, years later, my sister joined and she tried to talk me into joining her but, I did not also. She wasn't actively pursuing it at that time too. 

But my family already started using some of its products and when I see the changes and reviews from them, I became slightly more interested and when it was the right timing, I decided to join. Andrew and me both really. 

We see the potential in the products and for me personally, I truly am a convert. Heh. I always thought that taking health supplements in pill form is like the best already. There are so many brands out there that sell good health supplements and whatnot. But when I learned more about these Isotonix, I was immediately a fan. 

The high concentration of vitamins and minerals, fast absorption, pleasant to drink, and maximum results. Pills generally take a longer time to be digested, hence slower absorption. 

After I joined Shop.com, I introduced the Isotonix health supplements to my own family (husband and MIL) and now they take it every day. I recently added Aloe Vera juice onto our kitchen table as a must-drink to boost our immune system. Our favorite is the Strawberry Kiwi flavor. 

I believe prevention is better than cure. And since I am in it, I truly believe that the Isotonix drinks will make a difference in our health - especially OPC-3 Plus which is our best selling antioxidant. 

Let's not forget about Royal Spa Shampoo and Conditioner that I have been sharing and many of you have actually placed an order with me to give it a try. So far, people are loving it so I'm really glad. Happy customer = happy me. 

Of course, other than the products, the other way to grow the business and potentially earning a weekly side income is to grow the team. I decided to join Shop.com because of its binary style of teamwork. And it really is a teamwork-based business. 

Most of you will probably just summarize it and say, "It's MLM la". I thought it was too! 

But no okay - here are four main differences in how Shop.com by Market America is structured and is more of a modernized franchising system (without a physical shop) than an MLM system.

See. Okaylah - I can understand the doubts and all because I was like that until I am not anymore now. Then again, I am still very new in this. 

So, if you are one of those who want to earn side income (potentially a five-figure in 2-3 years if you are hardworking and committed) then you can talk to me (us). For me, I am not looking to build a team just by simply getting everyone on my friends' list. I am looking for people who are serious and committed to growing this business together. People who are looking for more in life than just going through their day to day job and earning a range of salary that may not grow very wide/fast unless you pursue a Masters or Ph.D. kind. 

You want to earn like a CEO kind of salary or not one day?

I cannot promise you that confirm you will earn a five-figure if you join our team, but one thing I know (for me at least) is that as long as you are hardworking and committed and serious, in 2-3 years' time, as a team, I believe sure got side income flow in - more staycations please heh. 

I told myself (and my husband) that I'm going to do my best on this and see where it goes. If all is good then it's really good lah! But if not, then at least I gave it a try! 

I'm a very positive person but I'm also quite lazy okay. 

But then ever since I joined Shop.com, I feel I've changed. I've become more hardworking and determined to grow in this business - be it in product knowledge or studying about Market Malaysia. I am motivated to work hard now because I know 30-40 years down the road, I can pass my "business" to my children and they can continue to enjoy the rewards. 

That is why I decided to take the first step. 

So yeah. 

If you would like to know more - whether on the products or the business opportunity side - don't be shy. Just personally message me and I will tell you more. 

If you want to support me in my new venture by buying some products, can message me also because then I can recommend to you what you need and no need. Heh. 

I am not a pro on all the products yet but one day I will be. So be patient with me, please. 

Thank you in advance for your support because I appreciate all of them - whether its literally buying the products, or sharing encouraging words and thoughts. Thank you so much! It is never easy when you start a business - heh. I'm not a businessman, please. More like a salesperson to a company that sells these products. Hah. And yes, I do earn from selling the products so if you are not like immediately want to earn a lot of money and super chill with your currents, selling these products also lets you earn liau. Not much but at least earning side income lo. Hah. 

Till next time, bye now. 

My Eyebrow Embroidery Story.

So, I finally did it.

After years of thinking and almost-doing it, I finally did it.

I have tried quite a number of things in regards to my face (not cosmetic surgery la okay) because I'm vain like that. Heh.

My Braces Story

My Eyeliner Embroidery Story

My Eyelash Extension Story

My Eyelash Lift Story

It all began after I have given birth to Alex about 2 years ago. It was then when my eyebrow hair started falling. I know - what a tragic story really. Dahlah, hair started falling and I have obvious bald spots (back then), I had to also deal with the fact that my eyebrows were balding too! 

It was such a difficult thing to accept because how often do you hear women say that their eyebrows were balding? I didn't even know such a thing exists!

If you are reading this and your eyebrows were balding, please message me because then I know I'm not alone in this and I am not crazy! Hah. 

If you see the photo above, I was heavily pregnant with Sofia and Adrian took a photo of us chilling on the bed with no makeup at all on my face. WHERE DID MY EYEBROWS GO!?

I used to have good eyebrows okay - good means like no need to use eyebrow makeup at all. Yes, in case you were wondering, I made him delete that IG story and gave him a quick intense session on why he should check his photos/videos before posting them online because his wife is vain la okay. 

Anyway, so when your hormones go haywire, your body reacts funnily. This - I learned because both pregnancies acted differently. 

The biggest reason why I did not go ahead and do it earlier is that Adrian begged me not to do it! Yeah - begged. 

He was so determined to make sure I don't proceed with the eyebrow embroidery because he did not want me to look like some people with bad eyebrows embroidery experience in terms of how it made them looked worse. He was really sure that I will make my eyebrows looked worse if I go for it. 

His reasons were legit and he actually did put that doubt in me hence me not going for it - even though I know it could save me a lot of time and effort and money. I was spending so much time watching Youtube videos and practicing and I've had good days and bad days. Some days, I had to rush drawing the eyebrows because the kids were restless. 

I've had days when I feel like my eyebrows look so bad I just kept avoiding meeting people. It's bad for my confidence and I always believe that confidence is key. Hah. 

But after adapting to life with 2 kids for about 6-months, I decided that there is no time for me to slowly do eyebrows all in the morning. 

On weekdays, not only do we need to get ourselves ready for work, but we also had to bathe both kids and feed them milk (mostly Sofia) and by the time the kids are settled, I usually have only 5-minutes to myself to do all my finishing touches. 

That also, sometimes Alex will not leave me alone at my makeup table. He either wants to be carried or he wants to hold everything I used - if not he makes a big fuss and there goes our peaceful start to the day. Then again, who am I kidding? With two kids at home, no such thing as the peaceful morning. Hah. But I love it! Just not when I need to draw my brows. 

So, I decided enough is enough and it is time to get the brows done. It's like if I never try, I will keep asking myself what if. 

I told Adrian about it but he was still as keen and tried to persuade me. Since I didn't want to be influenced by him anymore, I took leave on a weekday and went for it - yes, without telling him. Hah. 

I found out about Des Aesthetic (Prima Tanjung) when I was searching for an eyelash lift treatment which I did and I found that the staff was very friendly and informative and gentle. I remembered being in good hands. So, I recommended to my mom and she went and did her eyebrows and she loved it! 

You know how eyebrow embroidery used to be painful and right after you do it, the colors are very obvious and when you walk out of the beauty salon, people will instantly know that you just did your brows. Not only that, I think because of the way people used to "tattoo" the brows, after years, but it will also leave like a permanent red mark which was what happened to my mom. 

She had this red mark on her brows that are permanent and when we consulted Des Aesthetic, they knew instantly what needed to be done. There are 2 types of eyebrow embroidery processes and they recommended the one suitable for my mom so that the red mark could be covered. 

Long story short, my mom came home with new and normal looking eyebrows and it didn't even look like she had just get it done hours before. I was super impressed. 

Then, I knew I had to get it done too, and only with the best I know - with Des Aesthetic! 

The first thing they did was applying some numbing cream on both brows - for about 20 minutes (I think). Then, Evonne (the lady who took care of me so well), shaved and drew the brows for me. She did 2-kinds and asked for my choice but I ended up asking her to choose for me because she's a pro. FYI - her eyebrows were so on point so, at that time, I legit felt so accomplished - like I know already she is going to do a good job. 

After that, I went to the room and lied down and I was afraid that it may hurt because if not why they need to put numbing cream right? It did not hurt la, please. Can only feel very minimal sharp pain but not painful at all - can fall asleep also. 

The entire process was very relaxing and pampering. 

Right after the process, a cool gel is put on top of the brows to cool the swelling. I had a bit of swelling because my skin is quite dry. 

 

It was like a 2-hours process and when I went home, no one could tell that I had just done my brows. Adrian himself also did not realize when he came to fetch us home. It was only when I stared at him and smiled a long time then only he was like, "YOU DID YOUR EYEBROWS?"

He was impressed because it looked os natural that he thought I drew them.

The next day, the eyebrows looked darker but no more swelling, and over the next few days, it peeled and then it became a lot lighter. A bit too light but natural for sure. 

No need to worry my eyebrows disappearing when I go swimming or when I accidentally scratched my eyebrows and when I sweat. 

It is so convenient please - life-changing too because I did not have to spend so much time in front of my vanity desk. Ohh if only I did this earlier. But never too late. 

So for those of you also thinking and going back and forth with yourself to whether you should go for it, my advice is GO FOR IT. 

I paid RM650 and it comes with a one-time free touch up and one facial treatment. 

Another concern Adrian has after this eyebrow embroidery was if I need to like go and touch-up every month or something because it's another "monthly" commitment right? 

The thing is I most likely will not go for any touch-up every few months because now that I have the "perfect" eyebrow shape/outline of it, I can now just use an eyebrow pencil and fill it up. I don't have to worry if one side is longer or thicker. 

No regrets whatsoever at all going for this eyebrow embroidery. 

Thank you Evonne for making me have eyebrows-confidence again! 

Till next time, bye now. 

Do You Want to Earn Extra Income?

I started taking these Isotonix when I was having a bit of difficulty in my pregnancy with Sofia, and ever since then, I have been a big user of these Isotonix. Read more her please before you continue reading more. 

It was recommended to me by my sister so I was pretty sure it will work since she is not gonna just sell me nonsense right. I trust her completely. But I also had a little bit of doubt about whether it will really work. 

Of course, time will tell and time did tell! 

It worked and now, my husband who is not a big fan of "these" things (in the beginning) even encouraged me to take the leap and turn this "shopping" into a business opportunity. Since I am already consuming these products and believed in the goodness of it all, I should also start earning side income from it. 

With that said, I finally caved in and joined and now, I am a business owner! Woooohoo! 

How exciting does that sound hah! 

Anyways, I have started to spend more time getting to know more about these products and it is so exciting because I feel like now our cabinets are going to be filled with the real good stuff and I can get rid of that other stuff that never helped. 

For your information, when I was having so many episodes of indigestion, I went to ENO and Gavisconn for help but it did not work at all! Hence, I became so desperate and decided to get from my sister this Isotonix Digestive. 

Now, I only take them when I have like super heavy dinner or when I feel super bloated. 

Okay so no more blabbing about these crazy effective products la, please. 

I just want to let you know that if you are interested to earn side income (of course you must believe in the products la ya because if you don't then what is the point?), please message me and I will tell you how it works. 

If you don't want to earn side income because you got too much money already (donate some to me please), but want to try on some of these life-changing Isotonix, please also message me so I can tell you more. 

Do not worry if I am gonna cheat you okay. I cannot even cheat my own husband! Everything also he had to like see proof wan - but so glad that he is now on the same boat as me. Heh. 

He is not part of this because he has too much money liau (kidding!). But really, because he wants to support me la. It feels great to "own" an online business thing actually. 

So for now, if you are thinking about it, you can click on THIS and earn points as you shop on this website (that works like Shopback) where you earn points every time you shop online. Amazing Graze and Watsons are in there too! So much win because my top 2 favorite online shopping heh. 

Ohhh before I go, I am also going to try on cosmetic products called Motives. Cannot wait for my box to arrive! 

Till next time, bye now. 

Six Breastfeeding Must-Haves.

I did it!

That feeling of accomplishment is really something!

I have breastfed Sofia for 6-months and it felt great. My breastfeeding journey with Sofia was really pleasant and easy and pain-free and lovely. She was a good drinker (look at her size you would know) and a great latcher (got such word?). 

Sofia is now reaching 7-months old and we have started to feed her with pureed food but she is not really keen. I feel she is going to be a picky eater - unlike Alex who eats everything. 

Due to some reasons and all, I have decided to stop breastfeeding at 6-months and patted myself on the back for coming this far. It is not that far compared to so many moms out there who breastfeed till their child is like 1-yo and that's impressive really. 

For me, I'm going to celebrate this small win of reaching to 6-months. I did only 1-month with Alex so this is a win, please. 

I am already missing a big part of breastfeeding but I decided to stop for reals. There were many days where I stop and went back to it because it was just a really difficult thing to do. The emotional attachment is real seriously. 

But anyway, I am thankful that it has been a great experience with my second-born. 

Through this 6-months journey with Sofia (and 1-month with Alex in 2018), here are some of the things that goes to the MUST-HAVE list to make this journey a better one.

This comes number one and I feel that I must share because it is such a life-changer and, that is the importance of having the right chair during breastfeeding/pumping, etc. 

It took me a while to convince myself to spend about RM700 to get this nursing chair, but let me tell you that it is worth every cent spent.

I got mine from Shopee at about RM600 and it comes with a leg rest stool and a pillow. IKEA is selling at RM699 and does not come with a leg rest stool or a pillow (I think).

 I put more pillows so I feel more comfortable during the night feeds.

It is also one of Alex's favorite places to be when he watches video on his iPad.

If you asked me now if I will still get the same nursing chair from Shopee, I would say no. I will definitely spend more money to get the chair from IKEA.

The one I got from Shopee is not as comfortable as IKEA's. And IKEA's chair comes with 10 years' warranty so yeah. Maybe I should sell my current chair at a discounted price and get the IKEA's chair. Heh.

Then again, I am no longer breastfeeding so not ideal to do the above said.

Anyways, this chair saved my sanity for when I needed to nurse Sofia so many times after midnight. It is one thing to not be able to avoid feeding your child when she cries for milk in the middle of the night but to get to do it in a comfortable nursing chair, now that is a life-saver. 

Just like how it is so important to have a bottle sterilizer at home for all the feeding bottles, pacifiers, and stuff - it is equally important to spend that hundreds to get this nursing chair. 

I cannot say this enough, but many times when I am not breastfeeding or pumping, I find myself sneaking into my room to sit on this chair because it's comfortable and it is so relaxing! 

Cannot believe that I am saying this but this chair really saved my sanity and my rollercoaster of emotions for the past 6-months. For those of you who have done breastfeeding before, you know how crazy our emotions can run during these times. 

So yeah. 

GET A NURSING CHAIR FOR YOURSELF. 

Even if your husband thinks it is too much money to spend on a chair. 

Please - trust me. 

Of course, maybe you are comfortable enough to sit on your bed to nurse your child or something, then it's totally fine. All I am saying is that this nursing chair should be on the list of must-haves after a baby is born (if you plan to breastfeed of course). 

Ohh, and there are so many types of nursing chairs out there okay so choose wisely. Hint: choose those that allow your head to rest (SUPER IMPORTANT & HELPFUL!).

Number two is the right nursing pillow. I have looked through different types of nursing pillows and finally settled for the U-shaped one because it is most common and cheapest. Heh.

With this pillow, Sofia is usually sleeping soundly during the nursing time because there is no body heat that I am transferring to her and in a way, the pillow is so much softer than my boney arms, please. Of course, sometime I will carry her because I overly attached like that. Hah.

The third must-have for me is definitely a nursing cover that is big, light, and thin in its material. The one I got was big but the material was quite thick so whenever Sofia feeds under the cloth, she will sweat for sure. So kesian. I wanted to get a better nursing cover but MCO happened and since staying home means I can freely nurse her anywhere without having to cover, I did not get a new one in the end. But yes, very important to get one that is thin material okay.

Number 4 is also super important because every breastfeeding moms need it wan. A super effective breast pump! I could never invest like a few thousand ringgits to get a breast pump because it is just way too much money so I kept searching and finally found one that has all the features that I was looking for.

WIRELESS.

Oh man let me tell you how a wireless breast pump can change your life. With Alex, I was using my sister's so it is the usual breast pump that is out there - comes with a wire, and tubes and bottles, etc. With a breast pump that is wireless, that only means I don't have to be seated at a place for the entire pumping time.

And with SuperMama's FlexiFit Electrical Tubeless Breast Pump, it was such an enjoyable pumping experience. I was pumping in the living room, at the dining table, in the car, in office, etc. There was no fuss at all. There were a concern that its suction power is not strong enough but please, there are nine levels and for me personally, it was enough. Supermama's breast pump was my best friend on the go.

I charge it every day at night after the last pump and it will last me the entire day. I keep one pump at my mom's and one with me all the time. So whenever, I feel like my boobs are going to ve engorged, I take it out and pump (with a nursing cover of course).

Got once we were at a party at a friend's house and I was getting super engorged, I covered myself with the nursing cover and pumped right at the dining table with all my friends present. I did not have to miss out on the conversations because it was really THAT convenient.

It definitely made life so much easier. And I only spent RM 380 for 2 FlexiFit Electrical Tubeless Breast Pump. Even Adrian was amazed by this product.

Now, Supermama had recently came out with a new version where you just got to put in in your bra and yes, wireless and no need to hold also. I was super tempted to get it but maybe for my next baby.

It's called SuperMama Air Breast Pump and costs RM299 for 1. If you are a working mother, I'd say that this is a great investment. 

The fifth must-have is of course disposable breast pads. No one likes leaky boobs especially when you go out because it's embarrassing to have milk stains. Heh. So, I'd always made sure to invest on good quality ones that is both comfortable and effective. So far, all brands also okay. None that is like bad.

I have considered getting reusable/washable breast pads but some of my friends shared that after a while, there is a smell on the pads (even after wash) and since I am a working mom, I prefer to have something that is more convenient.

Number 6 and final (for me) for this breastfeeding must-have is a good supportive nursing bra. I tried many brandless nursing bras that I get online and although some are quite comfortable and all, I still feel that the best supportive bra is the sports bra.

Yes, you see that right. SPORTS BRA.

Nothing supports the C-cup boobies like sports bra does. And it's quite easy for nursing also. I realized I do not necessarily need to get those nursing bra to have 'easier' nursing experience. I did with the sports bra and loving it a lot. So much comfort, please.

So these are my six must-haves for a smoother and more enjoyable breastfeeding journey.

Gotta admit that I am already missing it but no regrets okay. Last night, I tried to get Sofia o latch on, but she wouldn't even want to look at it anymore. Hah. She moved on very quickly it seems.

Now, we can focus on the next baby - I AM KIDDING!

Till next time, bye now. 

Spicy Korean Chicken Stir-Fry.

Korean food this time.

It is like cooking updates one after another because what else do you do when you cannot go out and spend the entire day at home, right?

I decided to get a small tub of Gojuchang sauce because initially, I wanted to learn how to make Sundubu Jiggae from my mom (and she did tell me the steps etc) but it seems like so much work so I'm just going to do other Gojuchang-related meals first.

I happened to see this recipe on Marion Grasby's website and it was so simple so I decided to do it.

For this, you actually only need Gojuchang paste and the rest is just fresh ingredients that you would like to add into this dish.

 I sliced a chicken breast and marinated with Gojuchang paste for a few hours. Actually, no need so many hours wan. I just had a lot of time so I decided to marinate it in the noon and cooked them in the evening.

No need to put salt or any other sauce because Gojuchang paste itself is already very flavorful.

I then opened my fridge and get some of the vegetables I can see and chopped them up into bit-sizes. I started with garlic and then in goes all the vegetables and once, my vegetables (I think) are semi-cooked, I then put in the Gojuchang marinated chicken slices.

Then, it is all just stir and fry until the meat is fully cooked.

To me, I think I added too much of the Gojuchang paste. I think next time, I will just put a tablespoon first and see. If not enough, only put another one. It was a lil too spicy for my MIL and husband. A little too thick too if you ask me.

But overall, flavour is superb and this is the easiest recipe seriously.

Go try please.

Till next time, bye now. 

Motherhood in One Word (For Me).

So, recently I was asked by my church to share on what motherhood is to me (and how does having Jesus in my life helped) and I did.

I wrote the below for script and spent about one & a half hours talking to myself in front of the camera. It was intense. I had to go to a place that is quiet (which is obviously impossible with the children at home), and with "proper" background. I also had to record at a place where no cars or bikes can be heard.

So, I chose to do it just outside my parents' place. If you listen carefully, at the end of the video, you can actually hear Sofia.

Towards the end of it, I was sweating buckets (thankful it didn't really show in the video except for a shiny face heh). There were a lot of retakes because cars and bikes were driving by, our neighbor decided to wash like gazillions of plates and I forgot what I wanted to say. The camera was fully-charged okay when I first started.

Then, when the battery was left with 19%, I was like, "Game on!" because I do not have any other time to record video so this has to be it.

At the end, I decided to record it to three parts which was a lot easier than recording at one full take. I also did not really follow my "script" because I didn't want to read from it and record. I had to be a little bit spontaneous ma right.

Confidence is key. Hah.

So yeah. I had fun doing this video because it sort of allows me to think of what motherhood is to me and what it has done to me (all good things).

What is motherhood to you, I wonder. Everyone for sure has different definition of what motherhood is to them.

So here goes.

Hello everyone.

First, let me just wish all beautiful mothers and mothers to be out there - Blessed Mothers Day!

My name is Sarah Khoo and I have 2 minis - a soon-to-be-2yo-boy and a 4mo-baby-girl.
I also have a husband and a 9-5 job.

If I can choose one word that summarizes what motherhood is to me - it would be SACRIFICE.

BEING A MOM IS THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE.

• We give up our body to grow a human for nine months. 
• We go through labor for hours and hours, and we go through the set of emotions that comes with childbirth because of the hormonal changes.
• We try to deal with our insecurities every time we look into the mirror because our body no longer looks and feels the same anymore.
• We spend hours and hours trying to research on how to boost our milk supply because we want to continue breastfeeding for as long as we can.
• By the time we get to eat, our food is cold but we had to swallow it anyways because we never know when the baby is awake again or wants to be held by you and nobody else. 

The list goes on and on. 

We basically put our life on hold just so we can live theirs with them. 

I struggled with that the most I think. When I became a mother, I felt that I had to give up more "things" compared to my husband. I don't know about you, but I immediately felt the need to "even-out" the sacrifices.

I felt that it was unfair that I had to sacrifice so many things (going out with my friends at night, hang out in the cafe or go watch a movie etc) and, it seems like he still gets to enjoy his daily activities. 

You know sometimes when I know I am not going to win in a debate/an argument, I will usually just casually say, "You know, I did gave birth to not 1, but 2 babies for you" HAHHA. 

I know it is wrong to be like this. Haha. 

Anyways, it was rough motherhood for me at first. 

But I was reminded of how Jesus sacrificed everything for us. How He also basically gave up his life just so we can live ours? I mean he died for us - like really literally die die.. 

When I look at just that, I think to myself - I don't even have to die for my children. I just need to put my life on hold for a while you know. 

And that's a strong reminder to myself every time emotions sweep in and it hits me again on how I am missing out in life with my friends and all. (My friends are amazing BTW, because they would come to my house and hang out there just so I can hang out too). 

Anyways, it is not like I did not already know about the sacrifices that Jesus did but being a mother myself made me understand really, what sacrifice really means. And I think because of that, I begin to "enjoy" motherhood even when Alex is throwing the biggest tantrum in the world. I begin to appreciate the struggles of motherhood because I then believe that motherhood is a calling. 

It is not a hobby. You cannot like decide you want to be a mother because you think it is going to be fun. It is not like collecting coins or something. 

Despite all that, of course, I still struggle because a human can only have this much patience right? And I think right, children is one of God's way to make us better people wan. Like I pray for patience to increase, the next day for sure my children will do something to test it. CONFIRM. 

And you know what works for me when I have rough days to deal with?

I pray- a lot - I believe that prayers can move a mountain - whatever your mountain is. 

And the song Goodness of God playing in loops. I play this song sometimes when I get to have a longer shower or when I get to have a me-time. Or when Sofia wakes up at 3AM and refused to go back to sleep - I will hold her and sing this song and then I realize that I can do it. 

So yeah, it will all be worth it.  

Putting my travel plans on hold. 

Laying down my desire to be recognized. 

Giving up the imaginary life that I could have had. 

Because motherhood is a calling.