19 September 2012

I Look To You.

So, I was listening to the radio (lite.fm) in the car last night and this song was playing.

I Look To You by Whitney Houston (I suddenly realized this is by far, best song ever!)
Good job, Whitney!

And at that moment when I was listening to that, I immediately thought of my grandpa. Stuggled to keep those tears in but I managed to.

It has been 422 days since he has gone back to Heaven. And it still feels like it was just yesterday that he left.

This is actually my first time of having such pain and sadness within me even after a year. My first time of knowing what it really feels like to lose someone this close to my heart. And it sucks big time.

When i was a kid, life was simple and easy. Because he was there. I remembered how every morning after his shower, he would walked over to his small mirror that can be opened up that was hanging on the wall, and then he would apply the shaving cream and then shave. He let me do it for him once. I remembered how he would secretly buy back chocolates for me without my grandma knowing and how we would giggle quietly about it. Memories like this, thank god they stay forever.

Then, it was time for him to see the Big Man, after seven years of battling cancer.

When I was counting on how many tickets would I need for my convocation, I teared up. He's that one person that I want to see when I'm on that stage. The one person that I know for sure would be super proud of me. That one person that matters so much. But no, no chance of that. He's not going to be there but I know he is proud of me.

The cemetery where he is at became the place I find my peace of mind and strength. I find joy and it makes 'missing him' not that bad anymore.

"I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong"

We all miss you dearly, Mr.Kang! :)