Mixed Emotions.

...because now I really want to get a Blackberry Bold, but they don't have the Instagram app, which I really like.

...because Koay is spending his short holidays in one of the most haunted place in Malaysia, but in the end he decided that he is gonna sleep in First World's lobby. Better to be safe than sorry. He asked me to google Amber Apartment and boy, all the horror stories are top in the page. I read some, and goosebumps happen. Even people who has their rooms in First World Hotel that face the apartment experience weird things and demanded to change room. GELI BETUL. The other four boys mad eh lo.

...because there are chances that Sha Lynn might come out when I will be at Penang Hill for the Leaders' Retreat.

...because period cramp sucks.

...because I realized now that I'm complaning way too much in a day.

...because I am spending quite a lot in online shopping. Deals like massages and fine dine in restaurants and baby washable diaper and so many more things, how to resist like that. HOW?

...because Glee Season 4 totally knocks me off my feet.

...because I want to eat at Yuzu again so badly.

...because I am gonna let my hair down completely (some kind of metapohore) and enjoy to the core at Penang Hill in three more weeks time.

...because Spencer is such a gorgeous looking lady.

...because it's thirty minutes till I eat again and be at my sweet home.

Almost.

Today, I almost hit a mother and son along Penang Road. Like few centimeters away almost. It's crazy.

I was driving as usual and make a right turning at the main traffic light. I thought it was green, so I just turn. As soon as I turn, Koay suddenly yelled "STOPPP!" like really so loudly and caused me to step on my brake pedal instantly. Stopped directly in front of the baby in the stroller. I turned back and saw that traffic light became red. And everyone was looking at me as if I purposely go against the red light, but I really remembered it being green. I don't know.. :(

Good thing Koay got his head up and saw them in time to shout so loudly that made me stop immediately. If not, both of them would be hit and probably be thrown at a distance because my car was not in the slow speed. IT WAS SO SCARYYY!

Just few more cm and I would have hit the poor baby.

I was trying to get some sleep when I got home after the hunt but could not sleep. Kept replaying that moment in my head. All the what ifs keep playing in my head. I'm just beyond thankful that nothing serious happened. I feel very very bad for making the mother so upset and probably traumatized a bit. 

Thank You God for a miracle today!

Period.

A friend asked me a question today. A question related to girls and their monthly routine.

You know, questions like do you girls really get moody when it's that time of the month, are you all conscious about the moodyness, can you all control it and stuff like that. I definitely didn't find that difficult to answer because I obviously went through moody seasons like nobody's business. Hahaha. Koay can tell you stories about it too I think.

And what struck me is the question, "Can you control it?". As in control not being moody. And I kept thinking about it. I think for many times, I did not CHOOSE to control it. I just let it be because I know I have an excuse to back it up. Now that I think back, it's unfair. Unfair to my family and to Koay. It's like I get irritated at every single words they say or every thing they do. Now, I really believe that a girl can control whether to let the moodyness take over.

Guys have it a lot easier just because they don't have monthly issues to deal with. And especially the pain that comes with it, HORRIBLE. I used to have that pain every month. So painful to the point that I will scream my lungs out in the room, used hot boiling water and put it in a glass bottle and put it on my skin so that I won't feel the internal pain and take panadols. I usually want to avoid taking paracetamol but most of the time I still have to take it. Too painful. So guys, you should be thankful that this pain you don't have to go through :)

My birthday wish to God two years ago was to remove this terrible torture, and taking them away He did :)

Child.

Where got people so childish one? Say one thing, but do another thing which totally contradicts to what was said earlier! It's like you say you've let go of eating rice, but once in a while you still sneak around to get some rice. Okay, maybe not a very good example. If a person is really matured,  he/she will be able to find something, just something to forgive and let the past stay as that. I mean, you say you've let go and moved on, but at the same time you are doing something that totally shows that you have not let it go. It's still haunting you every now and then. I don't know la. And to tell your whole world about it for what? So that people would sympathize with you and "support" you? I mean, even by doing that you can't let it go. It will always be there unless you decide for yourself like you really want to let it go. Keep saying that to yourself and people around you isn't gonna help you to actually let go. 

I'm a bit upset because never in my whole entire life, will I ever expect to see this coming my way. Never. I always thought you are a person who knows how to handle these kind of situations, especially after almost two years since the incident. For you to tell me what you told me just proves to me otherwise. 

Sad and disappointed can't even describe how I really feel, at all. 

Twenty Today.

Describe today.

Lack of sleep.

Refreshing.

Drama.

Glad.

Positive. 

Shocking.

Sad.

Disappointed.

Upset.

Happy.

Satisfied.

Happy tummy.

Hopeful.

Loved.

Reminded.

Accepting.

Affirmed.

Encouraged.

Relaxing.

Tired.

twenty words because it is the twentieth of february today.

Challenge #1: Stairs.

Before 2012 ended, I had in mind that I would do something different in 2013. Something that I have never done before. Something that will challenge me, whether mentally, physically or emotionally or in any way.

I took a 6 months break from any physical activities due to some health issues back in 2012, and it is now decided that I want back in into exercise and sports and some running. One major problem, that's all. My stamina is now in negative. Like really negative, and I'm becoming more lazy that I have ever been. Don't know if its because age is catching up, but whatever it is, it has got to stop.

I actually miss playing floorball. Like a lot. So, before I resume my weekly training every Saturday, I thought perhaps I need to do certain things to slowly gain back the stamina that I've lost (yes, I'd like to think that last time my stamina quite good. Heh :P).

And so.. I came up with this challenge.

It is the STAIRS CHALLENGE.

A very simple challenge, but with the level of my laziness now, it's gonna be a tough one. But if I did it, it increases my mental strength, stamina and probably would help firm my behind :) 

So, everyday (with no day off) I will have to WALK UP the stairs whether it's at home or going to the office. One thing about this challenge is that I don't have to walk down using stairs. Just the going UP part. Cool huh.

The challenge supposed to start the day after my birthday but it got delayed because I was not "ready"! Finally, decided to focus and put my mind into it and started on the 15th. So far, so good. We (Koay decided to join in when he's with me) wanted to climb 23 floors up to Julian and Yee Ling's amazing home last night but couldn't cos their stairs are locked up for security purposes. Another plus points to getting a house at Surin. 

There is no limit to any challenge I'm gonna give myself. You know, like one week don't use Twitter and stuff like that. Anything of my challenge will have to be an ongoing one. So, I am being very careful when I create one for myself. I want to make sure I can do it and at the same time, it challenges me.

I'm actually in the midst of going into Challenge #2! To be revealed real soon..

Two 5.

No updates because I have been so busy enjoying every bit of this season and embracing the hard truth. 

 *tells myself* it's just a number, it's just a number.. one year wiser, me! :)

This festive = non-stop eating. 

Thumb Down.

So, the manicurist injured my left thumb last night.

It was so painful that while having a conversation with my pregnant sister, I let out a really loud shout. 

Then, it started bleeding. 

This morning, woke up, still painful and still bleeding a lil.

I feel so "not complete" now that the thumb is down. 

Have a careful Thursday, everyone.

Bluey Day.

Waking up to the alarm this morning was such a pain. Never actually felt so ughh before to any mondays ever since I started working and having to wake up at 8am everyday (even on weekends!). What is happening?

I remembered a conversation I had with Josh the other day and surprisingly, my response became different than what I agreed with him then.

Josh: Wah, now I really feel it lo that I'm getting old.

Me: I know right *sad face*

Josh: It's like I don't want to sleep at all, you know.

Me: *looks at him* *waits for his explaination*

Josh: Cos don't want to waste the time ma.

Me: Yes hor. True heh.

I agree la with what he said. His logic behind it. But that's not what really that's happening to me eh. It seems like I just want to sleep more. Either cos I get tired easily now or sleeping has always been very important! Haha. Whatever it is, if I don't get "enough" sleep or food, I think i will get quite grumpy lo. Koay should know about that. Hah.

So today, I dragged myself to shower, brushed my teeth, checked the Instagram, called the babe and almost switched on the TV (come to think about it, I should have. It'll prob make me feel better! WHY DID I NOT DO IT! Argh.)  And then, I ate three pieces of oatmeal cookies with strawberries and blackcurrant (thought it would make me feel better but it didn't). Then, the thought of blogging about it actually made me feel better a lil. Somehow. It's so weird. It's like letting out one uncomfortable vomit or something.

I don't know about the rest of you and how you're feeling today or how you're handling your Monday blues if you have any but this definitely works alright for me.

Yeah, it's Monday today.

i will forever be 22 years old.



Change is certain.

Surprise surprise! 

Change of layout is not optional. i was 'forced' to change it. 

The previous layout which was taken from blogskin went crazy (it's prob cos I did something also le heh) and I decided to just stick to the ones that doesn't need special professional way of handling its html. Such pain they give me I tell you. Almost spoil my entire day. Almost. 

How not to be tempted to be emo and moody when the day also become so gloomy with all the rain and stuff? But I did it. So proud of me self. Heh.

So I've just spent hours trying to get this current one fixed and up to my expectation. Shoulders are pretty sore right now from having to be so focused in it. Such dedicated blogger I am. 

I kinda like it. Not the best I've seen. But so far it's simple enough to my liking and it's not too plain. 

So, my title pretty much says it all. It made me realized today that whether I like it or not, change will happen. How I choose to see it or accept it will determine almost everything. I could have chosen to get really upset about it and complain non-stop in Twitter (which I did and then stopped) and Facebook, and then let this whole situation 'çontrols' me and my emotions and be grumpy whole day. 

It may seems like it's no biggie about this whole layout thing what right. But then again, when it comes to the things I love or like doing, I'm a lil OCD towards it. It has to be 'acceptable' to my eyes. And it really made me go 'NOOOO!' pretty loud in the office.

So yeah, I think and feel that there's going to be a lot of change happening around me this year. I like surprises but those kind that changes you forever, not very like-able. But for the future changes, I will definitely learn to accept it and look at it positively. I will for sure, bravely face them. That is, a promise to myself. 

The only one thing in my life that I know for sure will never change is the Big Man.

'Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever' (Hebrews 13:8)

Anyways, I am feeling pretty excited for tonight's meeting to plan for the whole year's events and dates and camps and retreats. Ahh, the joy of serving the fireBRANDS. It's there. It has been there many many years ago. So glad the fire is still burning :)

One more day till the weekends, everyone :)

Days Like That.

One of those days again.

You woke up feeling great but then as the hours passed, more not-so-nice-things happened. (Best part of today would be the part where I've sealed two deals with two corporates and it felt so satisfying and good. It felt great)

And your mood slowly swings towards the red part.

I'm probably at that point where I passed the red point.

Not upset. Not angry. Not sad.

Just moody. Just irritated. Just annoyed, very.

I have no idea on what.

I don't like the feeling. Argh. (believe it or not, I kept drinking green tea hoping it will cool me down, sort of. Haha)

At least I actually tried doing something!

Oh ya! I went over to college at lunchtime and collected my grad photos. The part where I receive the scroll/cert/hardcpver thing, and the string of the mortarboard covered part of my face. Foto Prime, you suck BIG TIME. Even Mikael's photo is like that. Pfft.

I don't even like the picture. I look so expanded. (and again, I'm just in a really bad mood today..)

Class of 2012. (I miss doing finance..)

Good thing it's Friday tomorrow. I can't wait for Saturday night to come. Can't wait for white water rafting in few days time. (on another note, it doesn't help at all that I'm listening to slow songs now.. Hmm..)

Worry/Bad mood/Annoyed. Stop. Pray.

Embarassing Moment #01

Had a really weird disturbing dream last night. So I woke up feeling so ughh. Put on a dress, a bit of eyeliner and blusher and off I went to work. Today, I drove.

Went to meet clients at Prai and Bukit Mertajam in the morning. Lunched solo at Sunway Carnival Mall. Took the ferry back. Stood at the most front of the ferry and watched the island from afar.

Why I'm listing down all the places I've been will be explained below.

So, then I went back to the office, rushed to the toilet to pee and then IT HAPPENED!

THAT MOMENT where I stopped and all the places I went and people I met today flashed back right in front of my eyes, while the whole entire time my mouth was wide opened (I walked around the mall like a boss sumore)

Okay, maybe not that dramatic. BUT STILL SO EMBARASSING! (till I wanna dig a small hole and stuck my head in it!)

I found out that my dress was not zipped up the whole entire time. And on top of that, there was a hole underneath the zip. So, that means I have one HUGE hole and one small hole on the right side of my body. Sorry right side, you were exposed accidentally. Good thing I wore a belt (that is most likely the reason to explain how come I can forget to zip up this morning!!). Also, good thing I carry my faithful longchamp on the right side. Good thing is good!

the right side of the 'crime scene.' (sees the photo and tells self *my belly is not big, my belly is not big* It's definitely the post-scar-op that makes my belly bigger than it used to be! Will update on that next time)

the sixteen centimetres gap cut into half by the belt (yes, I just measured with my office ruler)

oh, look whats that? ANOTHER HOLE. which is like seven centimetres long

*stares in disbelief*

So, overall, a total of 23cm of skin, okay maybe around 20cm (minus the belt to be exact) was exposed.

*teary eyes* (drama again)

Oh well.

at the end of the day, I will still smile and thank the Big Man that I came home still breathing. At least the 'exposed areas' are not the very important and sacred ones. Haha.



I'm sure you all have very embarassing moments too!

SHARE WITH ME WHEN I SEE YOU SO WE CAN LAUGH TOGETHER! (and I won't feel so silly!)

Have a blasting Saturday and Sunday! :)

The Wrong Side.

It's so normal for people (whether working or studying) to have Monday blues. And I never really have them until today. I mean, of course there were sundays where I wished its still weekend the next day but I have never felt so.. blue? Till now, I don't think its Monday blues. I think and I feel (like a 99% part of me) that I definitely woke up at the other side of my bed and it's the wrong one.

And it feels horrible. I don't even know why or how it happened. I remember going to bed last night feeling normal and nowhere near sad or like this. This feeling of just upset and 'boh kah muan' feeling. Okay, now that I'm typing it out, I think I know what really causes it. Hmm.. or it could be one of the reason. Pfft. But it shouldn't have bothered me cos it's not important, or at least it's not important anymore, heh.

Or it could be because Koay called me at 5:21am, saying "Why you change kindergarden?". He repeated that so many times to every 'huh' I said. That lasted for a minute and 34 seconds (I checked my phone for the record). It definitely felt like 15 minutes of repeating after one another. I don't know la. I don't know what causes this 'hole' I'm in. It's not quarter-life-crisis. I definitely hope not. Ughhh.

Sumore this 'situation' I'm in right now is a very dangerous one. Koay can tell you about it. The only few ways I know that could make me feel better and out of this 'hole' is to spend. Yeah, spend the ringgits. I even suggested dinner-ing at Seoul Garden later (just cos I want to eat non-stop and be at a place that's nice). Of course he gave me that look. Thank God for Koay to stop me from doing silly things that I might regret (like spending all my salary on food and unnecessary stuff). So, the plan is to eat dinner at home and then make sure I stay home and lock the money bag or cardbag! (I really doubt that I would stay home tonight). Anyone up for supper? Just let me know!

Currently listening to Jesus, Take The Wheel (Carrie Underwood is so gorgeous)

A goal that I need to make sure I achieve: go to a place where I have never been to at least once a year.

i miss holidays. i miss being under the sun. i miss soaking in salt water. i miss putting on the sun block (still gets dark with or without those cream, funny la!) i miss the long rides in the bus. i miss lame jokes. i miss redang. i miss perhentian.

can't wait for Friday to come. KL, wait for us okay? :)

The Web-Life Story.

The decision to start a personal blog came into mind probably as random and as impulsive as the recent haircut! Have no idea what's with the random doings these days. At all.

So, just a brief history of the web-life. This is not my first personal blog. If I remember correctly, my first blog's grand name was "Anti-Papaya Community'! I know, I know. What a name right. Looking back, I had no idea what I was thinking when I decided to put that name up (prob cos at that time my dad would make all her 3 daughters eat papaya, and I really hate papaya!)

Then, there was the second blog after I deleted the first 'grand' one. This time, the whole blog was green. Like the whole thing. I was really obsessed with green and have no sense of good design whatsoever! And I still remember quite clearly of the picture that was on the main page! A really big ferris-wheel-like-thing that says 'Take Me Up On The Wheel'! I love that blog. It's very pretty. And then, also deleted after a while. Girls and their ever-changing hormones, I guess. And after that, I decided that I wanted a Tumblr where I can just post up pictures from other Tumblr-ers. That, also I deleted it yesterday. Since I've abandoned it for quite a while now.

And then, this happens.

I texted the boy to tell him about this sudden want of mine. And he suggested a name, 'My Road Trip of Life'. I raised my eyebrow and let out a short laugh. Of course he didn't see it cos the whole conversation took place in Whatsapp. HAHA. At first it sounded so hmm.. and normal. But now that Im typing this, it actually kinda describes what life has been to me. All the little bumps and big bumps along this 'road trip' aka life. But I'm sticking to the plain 'Just Sarah'. A friend, Justin came up with that name. Oh, that was my Tumblr's name btw. And I decided that I want to put a bible verse that really speaks of what I truly believe.

So here it is.

The ups and downs. The highs and lows. The random and spontaneous.

All right here.

:)